Sunday News #7

Sunday Post and Sunday Salon are blog news memes hosted at Caffeinated Reviewer and Reader Buzz, respectively. It’s a chance to share news, recap the past week on your blog, and showcase books and other things.
Feeling

I’m feeling crushed and a little bit numb. My friendship of 10 years with my BFF ended this week. She basically told me she can’t handle my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because the unpredictability of my moods is too much for her. She termed my mood swings as tantrums.

I understand being around someone with a mental illness like mine is hard. I also understand the last year has been difficult because of my suicide attempt last March. I know what I did didn’t just affect me; it affected everyone around me.

Last week, I said I was diagnosed with Quiet BPD, which means that I act in rather than out. In the past, most people, except maybe my husband, didn’t even know I was struggling. My moods have been more unpredictable because I’m in a very intense therapy program (I talked about it last week) and a lot of my struggles, pains, issues are rising to the surface what feels like almost constantly. This makes it really hard for me to regulate my emotions and it’s like the “quiet” part of my diagnosis is gone.

It’s all new terrain for me. At some point, I’ll be able to regulate my emotions better. That’s what my therapy’s doing for me–giving me the skills so I can navigate difficult situations. I’m learning, changing, and growing. And, with growing, there are growing pains. I wish my ex-friend could see that.

Blogging

I only started to blog again two months ago. I love blogging. I’ve actually had a website since 1996 in some way, shape, or form. The only reason I stopped blogging was because of severe depression. It just had too much of a hold on me and I didn’t have the tools to fight the anhedonia that accompanied the depression. It’s only because of my current therapist and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that I’m blogging again.

Why am I mentioning this? The devastation of losing my friend the way I did this week nearly caused me to close up shop again, especially since she’s part of the blogging community and I’ll to continue to see her around the interwebs. … I decided, though, that no matter how much this hurts, she doesn’t get to win, in that way anyway. I’m going to keep blogging, reading, and moving forward in my therapy. Not for her, for me.

This week on the blog:

Reading

I started reading THE SOUND OF STARS by Alechia Dow. To be honest, though, I’ve been preoccupied with other things as you can imagine. I’m going to put THE SOUND OF STARS on hold for a couple of days so I can quickly read THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER by CS Lewis for the latest installment for the Narniathon21 that I’m participating in.

Listening

This week, I’ve been listening to The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square. They used to be known as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Whenever I’m feeling really down or I’m going through a really tough time, I listen to The Tabernacle Choir sing because it’s comforting and helps remind me I’m not alone.

I have several favorite songs, especially if they’re performing in person or on TV. My favorite, this week, has been “Consider the Lilies” because it was my mom’s favorite and it reminds me of her. I miss her lot. “Consider the Lilies” comes from the following scripture:

“And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.”

Matthew 6:28 KJV
Watching

I’ve been watching the new season of The Amazing Race. I really like the contestants. Kim and Penn Holderness are my favorite. I’m not a Holderness family fanatic or anything. I’ve watched some of their YouTube videos, but I don’t subscribe to them. I just really like Kim and Penn as a team. They’re very considerate to each other. I’ve never once heard them put each other down like other couples have and do on the show. The last time I watched The Amazing Race was season 9. It’s fun to watch it again after all this time. This season has been interesting because it was interrupted for more than 18 months by the pandemic.

Loving

I discovered Among Us, the video game, and I love it! It’s so much fun to play. I love that I can play it on my Nintendo Switch and Corey can join with his computer or iPhone. If you like video games, I highly recommend it. It takes a little bit to get used to the rules and game play, but once you understand what’s going on, you won’t want to put it down.

Wanting

I want a do-over. This semester is turning out to be a disaster. I’m having a hard time staying focused, caught up, and motivated because all my classes are online due to omicron and I do better when I’m actually in the classroom. Also, some of my mental health struggles during the last three weeks have made it a little harder than normal to focus on school.

Needing

I need Russia to leave Ukraine alone. And, honestly, it’s not really Russia, it’s Vladimir Putin. The Russians are subject to his whims and, unfortunately, the Ukrainians have to pay for it. I hope this ordeal doesn’t last long and I wish I could help other than just hurling insults at Putin.

How was your week? Anything exciting happen?

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Sunday News #6

Sunday Post and Sunday Salon are blog news memes hosted at Caffeinated Reviewer and Reader Buzz, respectively. It’s a chance to share news, recap the past week on your blog, and showcase books and other things.
Feeling

I’m feeling exhausted both physically and mentally. I’m also feeling grateful. (I’m not sure about talking about this. I have before, but not as a book blogger. I’m a little nervous I won’t be accepted the same way I was after sharing this.)

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) about a year and a half ago. This means my emotions are more extreme than the general population. I can go from feeling really happy to suddenly feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt all within a matter of minutes. People with BPD are often misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. However, the ups and downs with Bipolar Disorder last longer, usually weeks at a time, whereas the ups and downs with BPD only last for hours, maybe days.

Trigger warning. Only continue reading if you’re in a good space. It’s been a really difficult week. I wanted to hurt myself earlier in the week because of a misperception on my part that made me spiral into a bad place. Luckily, I was able to use my skills that I’ve been learning in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and stop myself before I did anything. It’s the first time I’ve come to really hurting myself since last March when I overdosed on Lithium and ended up in the hospital for a week.

Mental illnesses are hard. They’re invisible. Others don’t know you’re suffering most of the time and with my type of BPD, Quiet BPD where I act in rather than out, it’s even harder for others to recognize when I’m having a rough go. What I’ve learned in DBT is that it’s not up to others to make me feel better. It’s up to me. It’s been a long, hard process. Sometimes, I want to give up. I remember where I was almost a year ago and that I never want to go through that again. DBT has given me the skills to help me succeed. Without learning how to regulate my emotions when I’m in crisis, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself and I may not have survived this week. I thank God for my therapist and DBT!

Blogging

This week on the blog:

Reading

I finished reading ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney yesterday and I’ll be posting my review tomorrow. I’m starting THE SOUND OF STARS by Alechia Dow today. It’s one of my picks for Black History Month. I don’t think I’ll get to my second pick, which is a companion novel to THE SOUND OF STARS called THE KINDRED.

I’ve managed to read four of the books that all came available at the same time from the library. I still have two more to read, both Alechia Dow books, and as I said above, I’ll probably only finish the one by Thursday. Five out of six books is awesome! Especially for me, one of the slowest readers in existence! Okay, not really, but I am slow.

Listening

Last week, I said I’d share my favorite song by The Piano Guys since I shared their version of “Für Elise.” Here’s my favorite song. I like to listen to it when I’m feeling down, which is perfect for this week. What do you think?

Watching

I watched the new season of Disenchantment with Corey on Netflix. It’s from the makers of Futurama and The Simpsons. As you know from last week, I’m a huge fan of Futurama. Disenchantment has been Corey’s and my way and dealing with no Futurama. Plus, it’s a really good show!

Loving

I love this picture of my cat Izzy that Corey sent me while I was at group (for DBT) on Thursday. It makes me smile and laugh. She’s such a crazy kitty. I love her so much.

Wanting

I want more! Bear with me, lol. My friends and I had a chance to go to our local library to attend a book launch for LEMON DROP FALLS by Heather Clark. She was in conversation with author Jennifer A. Nielsen. It was the first author event we’ve been to in over two years because of the pandemic. Now, that we’ve gone to one event, I want to keep going. I miss them and I miss getting out.

Needing

I need to spend more time with my friends. I’m an extrovert and I need people. I think my recent decline in mood has been due to isolating more because of omicron. Even though this week was hard and I almost hurt myself, I also felt happier than I have in a really long time. I felt the happiest when I was out with my friends.

How was your week? Anything exciting happen?

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Sunday News #5

Sunday Post and Sunday Salon are blog news memes hosted at Caffeinated Reviewer and Reader Buzz, respectively. It’s a chance to share news, recap the past week on your blog, and showcase books and other things.
Feeling

I’m feeling happy and excited for a few reasons. Reason #1: remember the math test I talked about last week? My math teacher gives points for showing our work on our tests. He saw that I knew what I was doing. He also noticed that I made stupid mistakes when I put the answer down. Instead of giving me zero points so I’d get 75% on my test, he only took points off on the last part. My final score was a 91.7%.

Reason #2: my computer programming teacher was bombarded by most of the class complaining about the same things I complained about. That’s why he didn’t get back to me and I’m glad it wasn’t just me. He gave us more time. He also helped us figure out the auto grader. Hopefully, it won’t be as pedantic for future projects. I still have some reservations about the auto grader and at least I now know my teacher’s reasonable and willing to help me out if I need it.

Reason #3: check out what I watched this week.

Blogging

I continue to be amazed by this awesome community each week. I love that we all come from different walks of life and get to know each other through our posts and comments on each other’s blogs. I’m really glad I decided to resurrect my blog at the beginning of the year. Everyone has been so nice and the camaraderie has helped my extroverted self navigate being more isolated than normal thanks to omicron.

This week on the blog:

Reading

I read BROKEN (IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY) by Jenny Lawson. I’ll be posting my review this week sometime. I’m starting ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney today. So far so good at trying to get to my mound of library books before they’re due. 3 down and 3 to go.

Listening

This week, I’ve been listening to something kind of fun, at least fun for me. My favorite classical song is “Für Elise” because it’s basically my name–Jennifer Elyse–just not Germanized. It was also the first classical song I learned to play on the piano. Anyway, I came across this version of “Für Elise” when I was listening to another one of my favorite songs by The Piano Guys. I’ll have to share that song next week, maybe. What do you think of this version of “Für Elise”?

Watching

This week I had the fantastic experience of watching my cousin, Andrew Blaser, perform in the Winter Olympics. He was on the US Skeleton team. I’ve been following his progress on Facebook and Instagram for years and I was so excited when I found out he made the US team. It was so awesome to watch you do your thing, Andy! Go, Team USA!

(P.S. “Blaser” is pronounced BLAH-zer not BLAY-zer like the announcers have been incorrectly saying during the coverage.)

Loving

I’m loving Hulu so much right now because THEY’RE BRINGING BACK FUTURAMA! Hulu said Futurama’s one of the most watched shows on their network. Damn straight! We fans know what we love and we were never going to give up our campaign to bring it back. Again. #goodnewseveryone

P.S. If John DiMaggio doesn’t return as Bender, then this whole section will turn to HATING.

Wanting

Now that I know Futurama’s coming back, I want to know if John DiMaggio’s returning. There are some actors that Futurama can return without, John DiMaggio isn’t one of them. Futurama must return with Billy West, John DiMaggio, Katey Sagal, Maurice LaMarche, Phil LaMarr, Lauren Tom, and Tress McNeille. Everyone else is extra.

Needing

I need to spend more time on my DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) homework during the week. I love DBT and what I’ve learned from it in the last ten months. It has helped me learn to navigate some tough emotional situations. I’ve learned to act opposite of my emotional urges (including suicidal ideation). Because of this, sometimes I don’t feel depressed anymore. The problem is I feel like I’m regressing a little and I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s because I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything–school, therapy, home life, blog, reading, etc. Or, if it’s just that I’m having trouble balancing some of my values (activities that help me build a life worth living). I guess another thing I need to do is talk to Doug, my therapist about it. Good thing I like him.

How was your week? Anything exciting happen?

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Sunday News #4

Sunday Post and Sunday Salon are blog news memes hosted at Caffeinated Reviewer and Reader Buzz, respectively. It’s a chance to share news, recap the past week on your blog, and showcase books and other things.
Feeling

I’m feeling mad at myself. I took my first test in my math class this semester and I made stupid mistakes. Stupid mistakes. I only got a 75% when I should’ve gotten a 100%. Thankfully, our lowest test score is dropped. Hopefully, I don’t botch up any more tests.

I’m also feeling discouraged because I can’t seem to figure out the auto grader in my computer programming class. I got a 30 out of 80 on my first project even though my code does exactly what the specs ask for. I’m not sure what to do since my teacher hasn’t returned any of my messages.

Blogging

I really enjoy being a part of the community. Visiting everyone’s blog and having visitors come to mine is one of the best things, especially in this pandemic reality. It helps my extrovert self feel like I’m hanging out with friends.

Reading

Because I’ve been catching up on homework this week, I haven’t read a lot. I did finally start reading TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE by Jenny Han on Wednesday evening and finished it last night.

I have so many books out from the library right now! I hope I can get to them all. I have TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE, BROKEN by Jenny Lawson, ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney, and THE SOUND OF STARS and KINDRED by Alechia Dow checked out. They all came available at once.

Listening

This week, my song choice is a little different than past weeks. My therapist and I both like System of a Down. Most people are shocked when they find out I like them. They think I’m Miss Goody-Two-Shoes and wouldn’t like that type of music, which isn’t accurate at all, especially as I age. I know their music isn’t for everyone. If you don’t like it, that’s okay. To each their own.

My therapist went to a System of a Down concert in L.A. on Friday. It made me think about my favorite song, “Chop Suey!” The reason I like this song is it’s in the minor key. I music in the minor key. I mean really love it. It speaks to my soul unlike anything else in this world, except maybe a cat’s purr. I also really love Serj Tankian’s harmony. It’s amazing.

Watching

Corey and I started watching The Afterparty on AppleTV+. It’s awesome. My favorite episode so far is three. I loved all the songs sung by Ben Schwartz. If you have an AppleTV, I highly recommend this show. It’s really funny and has an all-star cast.

Loving

I love our new vet. Our old vet closed up shop without telling anyone. We have an 18-year-old cat on prescription food. We found out that our old vet was closed for good when we needed to buy Dax’s food. Fortunately, we found a new vet thanks to our neighbor and got Dax sorted out.

Corey took our 5-year-old tuxedo cat in a couple of days ago because she has been sick with a sinus infection. They gave her a shot of antibiotics so we didn’t have to try to force a pill down her throat. She’s acting so much more like herself again–playful, cuddly, and purry.

I’m really happy both of our cats are taken care of and doing well.

Wanting

I want a new winter coat. It’s freezing in my neck of the woods right now and I hate my coat. It’s one of those puffer coats that make you look like the Michelin Man if the coat is white.

Even though it keeps me warm, I hate how it feels because it’s really cheap and made from cheap material. I have to wear a long-sleeved shirt with it so the coat doesn’t touch my skin directly. It’s also not very comfortable to wear besides how the material feels. When I’m wearing it, I feel like the younger brother on The Christmas Story after his mom puts him in his winter gear.

Needing

I need my hair to grow faster. I got my monthly trim back into shape as I have short hair. The problem is that the person who cut my hair messed it up really bad. I keep telling myself it doesn’t look as bad as I feel like it does and it’ll grow back. I also like wearing hats so I have that option until it grows back.

How was your week? Anything exciting happen?

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Sunday News #3

Sunday Post and Sunday Salon are blog news memes hosted at Caffeinated Reviewer and Reader Buzz, respectively. It’s a chance to share news, recap the past week on your blog, and showcase books and other things.
Feeling

I’m feeling many things. First, I have to explain what happened this week so you know why I’m feeling so much and then I’ll explain what I’m feeling.

Corey was sent to the ER on Wednesday afternoon after eating at a Wendy’s. It’s suspected that a disgruntled employee put cleaner in his Coke. Not only did it make him extremely sick (vomiting and the like), he also had a severe allergic reaction to it and went into anaphylaxis (trouble breathing, closed throat, bright red, etc.).

Right. I’m feeling:

  • extremely thankful that what happened to Corey isn’t worse than it was. He’s recovering pretty well. He still feels crummy, but he’s getting on with life.
  • overwhelmed because I’m behind on my homework now.
  • tired because I’m not sleeping well. I keep waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety-filled dreams.
  • disappointed in humanity. I can’t believe that someone would try to poison a customer just because they were having a bad day.
Blogging

Even though it’s been a crazy week, I still had a good blogging week. I visited many blogs and I’ve had a lot of visitors too. I’m also excited for some of my scheduled posts coming up.

Reading

I finished reading THE MAGNOLIA PALACE at 2am on Thursday night. I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up reading. I really enjoyed doing that. I’m posting my review tomorrow. After I get caught up on my homework, hopefully tomorrow, I’ll start reading TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE by Jenny Han. It’s my IRL book club’s book for February.

I also have BROKEN by Jenny Lawson out from the library and I got a notification yesterday that my hold for ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney is now available.

Listening

While I was driving to the hospital, I kept having scary thoughts. I distracted I’m myself with music. One of the songs I listened to was “LifeBlood” by Fabrizio Paterlini, which was really calming and soothing. It helped a lot.

Watching

I watched the first episode of The Gilded Age on HBOMax. I noticed that it was another Julian Fellowes creation. I adore Downton Abbey, so I thought I’d give this one a try.

It’s set in New York City at around the turn of the 20th century. One of the main characters, Bertha Russell, is “new money” (her husband is a robber baron) and she’s trying to get accepted into polite society. The “old money” families don’t want to accept her because she doesn’t come from a long-line of aristocratic families. It seems like it’ll be interesting.

Loving

I discovered I couldn’t eat gluten about a year and a half ago. It’s been a struggle finding substitutes I like. However, in the past six months, maybe, I’ve started to find my stride and figure out what I really like. On Friday, I tried a new gluten-free bread by Udy’s and I it. I’ve had toast with jam for breakfast the past few days and it has been grand!

Wanting

I want to know which books I get to choose from for the February book from Book of the Month. I know I only have to wait two more days and I still want to know now. First world problems.

Needing

I need more time to get caught up on my homework so I don’t feel so overwhelmed.

How was your week? Anything exciting happen?

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