My reading momentum is still going strong. I didn’t read as many books in February as I did in January because of school and a little bit of anhedonia, but I managed at least one book per week which is really good for me. Unfortunately, I didn’t finish my Black History Month pick or get to my February Book of the Month pick. I’ll have to read them in March if I can.
My favorite book I read in February was ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney. My least favorite book was TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE by Jenny Han because of the non-ending and love triangle.
I’m feeling crushed and a little bit numb. My friendship of 10 years with my BFF ended this week. She basically told me she can’t handle my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because the unpredictability of my moods is too much for her. She termed my mood swings as tantrums.
I understand being around someone with a mental illness like mine is hard. I also understand the last year has been difficult because of my suicide attempt last March. I know what I did didn’t just affect me; it affected everyone around me.
Last week, I said I was diagnosed with Quiet BPD, which means that I act in rather than out. In the past, most people, except maybe my husband, didn’t even know I was struggling. My moods have been more unpredictable because I’m in a very intense therapy program (I talked about it last week) and a lot of my struggles, pains, issues are rising to the surface what feels like almost constantly. This makes it really hard for me to regulate my emotions and it’s like the “quiet” part of my diagnosis is gone.
It’s all new terrain for me. At some point, I’ll be able to regulate my emotions better. That’s what my therapy’s doing for me–giving me the skills so I can navigate difficult situations. I’m learning, changing, and growing. And, with growing, there are growing pains. I wish my ex-friend could see that.
I only started to blog again two months ago. I love blogging. I’ve actually had a website since 1996 in some way, shape, or form. The only reason I stopped blogging was because of severe depression. It just had too much of a hold on me and I didn’t have the tools to fight the anhedonia that accompanied the depression. It’s only because of my current therapist and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that I’m blogging again.
Why am I mentioning this? The devastation of losing my friend the way I did this week nearly caused me to close up shop again, especially since she’s part of the blogging community and I’ll to continue to see her around the interwebs. … I decided, though, that no matter how much this hurts, she doesn’t get to win, in that way anyway. I’m going to keep blogging, reading, and moving forward in my therapy. Not for her, for me.
I started reading THE SOUND OF STARS by Alechia Dow. To be honest, though, I’ve been preoccupied with other things as you can imagine. I’m going to put THE SOUND OF STARS on hold for a couple of days so I can quickly read THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER by CS Lewis for the latest installment for the Narniathon21 that I’m participating in.
This week, I’ve been listening to The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square. They used to be known as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Whenever I’m feeling really down or I’m going through a really tough time, I listen to The Tabernacle Choir sing because it’s comforting and helps remind me I’m not alone.
I have several favorite songs, especially if they’re performing in person or on TV. My favorite, this week, has been “Consider the Lilies” because it was my mom’s favorite and it reminds me of her. I miss her lot. “Consider the Lilies” comes from the following scripture:
“And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.”
Matthew 6:28 KJV
I’ve been watching the new season of The Amazing Race. I really like the contestants. Kim and Penn Holderness are my favorite. I’m not a Holderness family fanatic or anything. I’ve watched some of their YouTube videos, but I don’t subscribe to them. I just really like Kim and Penn as a team. They’re very considerate to each other. I’ve never once heard them put each other down like other couples have and do on the show. The last time I watched The Amazing Race was season 9. It’s fun to watch it again after all this time. This season has been interesting because it was interrupted for more than 18 months by the pandemic.
I discovered Among Us, the video game, and I love it! It’s so much fun to play. I love that I can play it on my Nintendo Switch and Corey can join with his computer or iPhone. If you like video games, I highly recommend it. It takes a little bit to get used to the rules and game play, but once you understand what’s going on, you won’t want to put it down.
I want a do-over. This semester is turning out to be a disaster. I’m having a hard time staying focused, caught up, and motivated because all my classes are online due to omicron and I do better when I’m actually in the classroom. Also, some of my mental health struggles during the last three weeks have made it a little harder than normal to focus on school.
I need Russia to leave Ukraine alone. And, honestly, it’s not really Russia, it’s Vladimir Putin. The Russians are subject to his whims and, unfortunately, the Ukrainians have to pay for it. I hope this ordeal doesn’t last long and I wish I could help other than just hurling insults at Putin.
Favorite Couples & Favorite Dynamic Duos and Trios
This week’s prompt is dynamic duos. Um … If I were a comic book reader, this prompt would be so easy. Unfortunately, I’m not so I’m changing the prompt a little bit. Instead of just dynamic duos, I’m listing my favorite couples and my favorite dynamic duos and trios. Here are my top ten:
Harry, Ron, and Hermione: I can’t help it. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are my favorite trio. I love them and I love all that they do and accomplish in the seven books. I love how they help each other and I love who ends up with who. It’s perfect and no changes nor Cursed Child are necessary.
Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee: I could probably list all the duos in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but Frodo and Sam are my favorite. In fact, Dumbledore, Atticus Finch, and Sam are my three favorite literary characters of all-time. I think Sam is the real hero of The Lord of the Rings, but I love his friendship with Frodo and how much he helps Frodo deliver the ring to Mordor.
Liesel and Rudy: I loved THE BOOK THIEF. I loved its message. I loved the way it was told. So many feels. Markus Zusak is a master of words. The moment Liesel and Rudy meet, they’re perfect together.
Lyra and Pantalaimon: I love the concept of dæmons in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy. I love Lyra and Pan’s bond. I cried for them for what they had to go through in THE AMBER SPYGLASS. I can’t imagine what it would be like to do what they did, even though they’re fictional characters.
Jace and Clary: Cassandra Clare’s The Mortal Instruments series is one of my favorite series. I love all the mythology, theology, adventure, and romance thrown into these stories. I love her characters so much. She has such a talent for writing stories that grab you from the first page.
Will, Jem, and Tessa: Clare’s The Infernal Devices trilogy is also one of my favorite series. I love the historical fiction element of this trilogy. This is one of only two trilogies in which I think the love triangle is done right and make sense. The other one is The Hunger Games.
Anna Oliphant and Étienne St. Clair: ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS is my favorite contemporary romance. I love Anna and Étienne. Stephanie Perkins knows how to write swoony romance. The sexual tension between these two is palpable and it’s so fun to read. What I love more than their sexual tension is their friendship. They’re just good together in every way.
Henry and Kate:A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that EDENBROOKE by Julianne Donaldson has my favorite kiss in all of bookdom. Her other book, BLACKMOORE has my favorite friends-to-lovers story (if you don’t count ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS, which I don’t since they weren’t friends as kids like Henry and Kate were). I love Henry and Kate. Their friendship is awesome and watching them fall in love, or realizing that they love each other, is a lot of fun to read.
Vasya and Morozko: If you’ve read The Winternight Trilogy by Katherine Arden, then you know why Vasya and Morozko are on my list. The books are a wonderful mingling of fiction with 14th-century Russian history. I adored the medieval Russian setting at the time when pagan beliefs and Christianity clashed, not knowing which would overtake the other, rather than both trying to coexist together peaceably.
Charlotte and Wilbur: If you know me IRL, then you know I hate spiders. HATE them. I have severe arachnophobia. I had to read CHARLOTTE’S WEB by covering all the pictures of Charlotte, and the ending with all her babies flying through the air was enough to give me nightmares. Still is. But, I love her friendship with Wilbur. I love what she did for him. And, yes, the ending (other than the flying baby spiders ) made me cry.
What about you? Who are your favorite couples and/or friends? Did you do dynamic duos or did you change the prompt like I did?
I’ve been learning in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) that life is full of dialectics, or two opposing truths. In this case, the two opposing truths are: 1) I don’t agree with JKR’s stance regarding trans people, and 2) I still love Harry Potter.
Things have been wrong with Mr. and Mrs. Wright for a long time. When Adam and Amelia win a weekend away to Scotland, it might be just what their marriage needs. Every anniversary the couple exchanges traditional gifts--paper, cotton, pottery, tin--and each year Adam's wife writes him a letter that she never lets him read. Until now. Ten years of marriage. Ten years of secrets. And an anniversary they will never forget.
I love thrillers. Love them. When I read the synopsis of ROCK PAPER SCISSORS, I knew I had to read it. I especially had to read it when I found out that Adam Wright has prosopagnosia or face blindness.
Like Adam, my husband has face blindness. He doesn’t recognize people when he looks at their face. He uses their voice, hair, mannerisms, and other features to help him recognize them. Unlike Adam, he does recognize facial expressions and facial features while he’s looking at them, but he can’t recall what he saw when he looks away.
I really liked the premise of ROCK PAPER SCISSORS. I liked the alternating POVs and I liked reading the secret letters from Adam’s wife. The story was suspenseful from the get-go and I wanted to keep reading so I knew what was going on, what was going to happen, and how it would all come together in the end.
As I read the story, I figured out some of the mystery. I didn’t figure out everything … and I was a little disappointed in the ending. Only a little disappointed, though, because I thought it was kind of confusing. If Alice Feeney had stopped it one chapter sooner, I think the ending would’ve been better. Maybe, I’m wrong and I missed the point of the last chapter. If you’ve read ROCK PAPER SCISSORS and you disagree, please tell my why.
Even though I was slightly disappointed, I still had fun reading ROCK PAPER SCISSORS. I stayed up way too late one night feeling the suspense and not being able to put the book down. Needless to say, I’ll look into Alice Feeney’s other books.
Have you read ROCK PAPER SCISSORS? If so, what did you think?
https://i0.wp.com/jennielyse.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/review-rockpaperscissors.png?fit=919%2C918&ssl=1918919Jenni Elysehttps://jennielyse.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/logow_final2x.pngJenni Elyse2022-02-21 00:00:002022-12-26 00:01:26Review: Rock Paper Scissors
I’m feeling exhausted both physically and mentally. I’m also feeling grateful. (I’m not sure about talking about this. I have before, but not as a book blogger. I’m a little nervous I won’t be accepted the same way I was after sharing this.)
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) about a year and a half ago. This means my emotions are more extreme than the general population. I can go from feeling really happy to suddenly feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt all within a matter of minutes. People with BPD are often misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. However, the ups and downs with Bipolar Disorder last longer, usually weeks at a time, whereas the ups and downs with BPD only last for hours, maybe days.
Trigger warning. Only continue reading if you’re in a good space. It’s been a really difficult week. I wanted to hurt myself earlier in the week because of a misperception on my part that made me spiral into a bad place. Luckily, I was able to use my skills that I’ve been learning in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and stop myself before I did anything. It’s the first time I’ve come to really hurting myself since last March when I overdosed on Lithium and ended up in the hospital for a week.
Mental illnesses are hard. They’re invisible. Others don’t know you’re suffering most of the time and with my type of BPD, Quiet BPD where I act in rather than out, it’s even harder for others to recognize when I’m having a rough go. What I’ve learned in DBT is that it’s not up to others to make me feel better. It’s up to me. It’s been a long, hard process. Sometimes, I want to give up. I remember where I was almost a year ago and that I never want to go through that again. DBT has given me the skills to help me succeed. Without learning how to regulate my emotions when I’m in crisis, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself and I may not have survived this week. I thank God for my therapist and DBT!
I finished reading ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney yesterday and I’ll be posting my review tomorrow. I’m starting THE SOUND OF STARS by Alechia Dow today. It’s one of my picks for Black History Month. I don’t think I’ll get to my second pick, which is a companion novel to THE SOUND OF STARS called THE KINDRED.
I’ve managed to read four of the books that all came available at the same time from the library. I still have two more to read, both Alechia Dow books, and as I said above, I’ll probably only finish the one by Thursday. Five out of six books is awesome! Especially for me, one of the slowest readers in existence! Okay, not really, but I am slow.
Last week, I said I’d share my favorite song by The Piano Guys since I shared their version of “Für Elise.” Here’s my favorite song. I like to listen to it when I’m feeling down, which is perfect for this week. What do you think?
I watched the new season of Disenchantment with Corey on Netflix. It’s from the makers of Futurama and The Simpsons. As you know from last week, I’m a huge fan of Futurama. Disenchantment has been Corey’s and my way and dealing with no Futurama. Plus, it’s a really good show!
I love this picture of my cat Izzy that Corey sent me while I was at group (for DBT) on Thursday. It makes me smile and laugh. She’s such a crazy kitty. I love her so much.
I want more! Bear with me, lol. My friends and I had a chance to go to our local library to attend a book launch for LEMON DROP FALLS by Heather Clark. She was in conversation with author Jennifer A. Nielsen. It was the first author event we’ve been to in over two years because of the pandemic. Now, that we’ve gone to one event, I want to keep going. I miss them and I miss getting out.
I need to spend more time with my friends. I’m an extrovert and I need people. I think my recent decline in mood has been due to isolating more because of omicron. Even though this week was hard and I almost hurt myself, I also felt happier than I have in a really long time. I felt the happiest when I was out with my friends.