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2022 Reflection

At the end of each year, I like to reflect on what has happened, how I’ve grown, and what’s to come.

I graduated from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in May. DBT changed my life. Because of the skills I learned, I can navigate my emotions rather than fall apart and shutdown. I can now cope instead of wanting to get out of hard situations and feelings.

I started Prolonged Exposure therapy (PE) in August. PE focused on helping me heal from my past trauma and resultant PTSD. I graduated in November. It was the most difficult work I’ve ever had to do AND my trauma no longer controls me thanks to the time and effort I put in to heal.

I was interviewed by a Huffington Post writer about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and the stigma surrounding it in May. It was such a rewarding opportunity to talk about my experience with BPD and to help others learn that perpetuating myths are harmful to everyone.

In June, Corey and I sold our townhome of 13.5 years and moved in to a rental property. I really like our new digs despite it being a rental. The floor plan’s laid out logically with wide halls and stairs, 10-foot ceilings, big walk-in closets in each bedroom, and our first garage. We’re extremely blessed to live where we do.

Sadly, we said goodbye to our beautiful Dax in August. She was almost 19 years old and her kidneys decided they’d functioned long enough. Her passing was bittersweet as Izzy, Corey, and I miss her dearly and we’re happy she’s no longer suffering.

We adopted Luci, a four-month-old kitten, in November. She’s very energetic, friendly, and cuddly. Corey and I are smitten and Izzy’s still making up her mind.

My health took a ride on the proverbial roller coaster, having lots of ups and downs:

  • a bacterial infection in January;
  • suspected C. difficile in March which turned out to be a chronic case of acid reflux;
  • COVID in June;
  • injured shoulder, arm, and ankle from October until December;
  • and chronic hives that started in November.

I had LASIK done on both my eyes in August. Sometimes I have buyer’s remorse and wish I’d only had one eye done so I’d be able to see both near and far. Most of the time, however, I’m just glad I had LASIK because I only need glasses for reading when I’m extremely tired. I love being able to wear real sunglasses instead of my old transition lenses. I’m especially looking forward to being able to see when I go swimming in the summer.

I had a lot of great opportunities to make new friends and strengthen my relationship with old ones. I befriended so many wonderful bloggers who I always look forward to connecting with. I went outside of my usual group of friends to make new relationships with people I wouldn’t have in the past. I also learned to weather difficult situations and changes in some of my established friendships, helping strengthen them rather than dissolve them.

I learned to accept my family’s strengths and weaknesses, and create healthy boundaries. For the first time in more than a decade, I look forward to spending time with those who aren’t toxic.

School was hard due to my health and I nearly gave up, thinking I was going for the wrong reasons. I learned, however, that school helps me regulate my emotions more easily and boosts my self-efficacy. When I’m productive, learning, and not isolating, my depression and anhedonia are only memories.

I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished in 2022 and how much I’ve grown. I’ve improved so much and I’m no longer the same person I was in March 2021. I feel hopeful, content, and I’m looking forward to the new year and its opportunities. I’m glad I’ve been able to weather life’s hardships and I know I can cope with whatever’s thrown at me. I’m grateful to everyone who helped me become a stronger person, and I’m looking forward to continuing to connect with this amazing online community and the people I love IRL.

Here’s to many wonderful possibilities! May your 2023 be merry and bright!

Are you looking forward to 2023? Do you have any resolutions?

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Still Here

Hi there! I thought I’d check in since I’ve been “gone” for a little over a month now.

My arm’s doing much better. My doctor gave me a cortisone shot a couple of days after I decided to take a blogging hiatus. It took a little over a week for it to really do anything. There’s still some pain and tingling below my elbow, but it’s much more manageable and it’s not affecting my sleep anymore. My doctor’s still concerned that all the pain and tingling aren’t gone. I may need surgery if my arm doesn’t completely heal on its own.

For now, we’re focusing on more pressing matters–my hives. We still don’t know what’s causing them. It’s not what I thought it was a month ago–turmeric, ibuprofen, Luci (new kitten). We’ve ruled out fleas, mites, and bed bugs as my doctor thought my hives looked like bites. I started a round of steroids in the beginning of December. My hives began to heal, but they came back immediately and almost worse than before once I was done with the steroids. I started another round a couple of days ago. This time they’re much stronger and I’ll take them for twice as long. We think it’ll help. I hope it’ll help. I don’t want to be on steroids forever.

I haven’t really been reading, although I did start IN A HOLIDAZE by Christina Lauren yesterday. I’ve mostly been watching a ton of TV and movies and playing my Switch. They keep my mind off the itching. I’ve also spent some time with friends when I’m feeling up to it. All these things have helped me keep my spirits up.

I hope I can get back into reading and blogging again soon as long as this round of steroids gets rid of my hives for good. Until then, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season!

P.S. Sorry this is a duplicate post. My blog feed didn’t pick up my initial post and I tried to do some troubleshooting.

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A Hiatus

This past week has been difficult. Not only am I still dealing with the pain in my arm, I’m now also dealing with hives all over my body.

We’re not sure what’s causing the hives. It could be the turmeric I was taking to help the inflammation in my arm. It could be ibuprofen or the creams I’m using for pain relief. (I don’t think it’s the creams because the hives aren’t where I put the cream.) It could be Luci, even though I’ve never reacted to cats before. It could be something I’m eating. Or, it could be something else completely.

I can’t get into an immunologist until early December, which means I have to suffer through these hives until then or hope they go away by stopping the turmeric and ibuprofen, keeping Luci away from me for a few days, and / or changing my diet.

Right now, blogging, commenting, Instagramming, and even reading are the things I want to do the least. I really don’t feel like doing much more than vegging out in front of the TV. Consequently, I’m sad to tell you that I’m taking a hiatus from blogging and maybe social media in general until I’m in a better space. I’m not sure how long my hiatus will be. Hopefully, not too long because I love blogging and the blogging community too much! (If I do any reading, I’ll post to Goodreads if you want to be my friend there.)

Because I’ve already stopped taking turmeric, the inflammation in my arm’s back, which makes it much more difficult to stop the ibuprofen. I did get a cortisone shot yesterday. Hopefully, it will help with the pain. It may take up to two weeks for me to get the full benefits, however.

Thanks for understanding!

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15 Years of Blogging & Giveaway

I posted my first post on this blog on June 23, 2007. It was about my excitement for the upcoming release of HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS. I laid out my predictions for that final installment. View Spoiler »

I can’t believe that was 15 years ago. Some years have been better than others, but I’ve really enjoyed my little corner of the internet. I debated whether I should say anything about my blogoversary since I haven’t blogged continuously the entire 15 years, and my blog now only shows posts from December 29, 2021 onward. (You can read about the whys if you’re interested.)

Blogging’s very cathartic for me. I love talking to people about the things I enjoy doing, especially reading and books. I love the creativity I get to express through blogging. And, I love all the friends I’ve made around the blogosphere. I actually met a lot of my IRL friends at different book events for bloggers in Utah. (There were a lot of us at one time. Now, I’m one of only a handful remaining.) I also have many online friends I’ve met through blogging, and I hope I can meet them IRL someday.

To celebrate my blogoversary, I’m hosting a giveaway for a book from The Book Depository (up to $15 value).  The giveaway will go until the end of June and I’ll announce the winner on July 4 (if my internet is up by then as I’m moving on July 1 and 2). The giveaway is open to any country The Book Depository ships.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

How long have you been blogging?

I learned in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) that life is full of dialectics, or two opposing truths. In this case, the two opposing truths are: 1) I don’t agree with JKR’s stance regarding trans people, and 2) I still love Harry Potter.

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2021 Reflection

At the end of each year, I like to reflect on what happened during the year. Trigger warning. Only continue reading if you’re in a good space.

On March 1, I overdosed on Lithium and ended up in the hospital for a week. I was very lucky that with the amount of Lithium I took, I didn’t damage my kidneys. It was touch and go for many days. It was also a very hard recovery, but it opened my eyes and I realized that I never wanted to end up in that situation again.

My psychiatrist and therapist at the time pushed me to find a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) program as I had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about seven months prior. Thankfully, I found a program fairly quickly and I’ve been working with Doug since the end of March.

DBT and Doug have been the greatest blessing in my life. Without DBT, I wouldn’t have been able to navigate this year. With Doug’s guidance, I’m back in school working toward finishing my BS in mathematics and I’m moving toward several of my other values (compasses that guide me in building a life worth living). It has been hard. It’s still hard. Sometimes, I want to quit. Sometimes, I still want to hurt myself AND I now have the skills to help me not act on ineffective urges.

I still have 4 to 4.5 months left in the program as DBT usually lasts for a year. I have a lot of anxiety that I won’t be ready to navigate the world by myself at the end of the program and like the DBT manual says, I try to be mindful and:

Rivet [myself] to now. Be completely present to this one moment. Throw [myself] completely into activities of the current moment.

It’s hard to do, and I know I can do hard things.

I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. I’ve come a long way from where I was on March 1. And, for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to the new year and the opportunities the future holds (better mental health, progress in school, quality time with family and friends, etc.).

One of the opportunities I’m taking advantage of is resurrecting my book blog. Well, I’m starting a new one, anyway, as there’s nothing left of the old one. I’m looking forward to connecting with other readers and bloggers.

Are you looking forward to 2022? Do you have any resolutions?

Here’s to many wonderful possibilities! May your new year be merry and bright!

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