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2021 Reflection

At the end of each year, I like to reflect on what happened during the year. Trigger warning. Only continue reading if you’re in a good space.

On March 1, I overdosed on Lithium and ended up in the hospital for a week. I was very lucky that with the amount of Lithium I took, I didn’t damage my kidneys. It was touch and go for many days. It was also a very hard recovery, but it opened my eyes and I realized that I never wanted to end up in that situation again.

My psychiatrist and therapist at the time pushed me to find a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) program as I had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about seven months prior. Thankfully, I found a program fairly quickly and I’ve been working with Doug since the end of March.

DBT and Doug have been the greatest blessing in my life. Without DBT, I wouldn’t have been able to navigate this year. With Doug’s guidance, I’m back in school working toward finishing my BS in mathematics and I’m moving toward several of my other values (compasses that guide me in building a life worth living). It has been hard. It’s still hard. Sometimes, I want to quit. Sometimes, I still want to hurt myself AND I now have the skills to help me not act on ineffective urges.

I still have 4 to 4.5 months left in the program as DBT usually lasts for a year. I have a lot of anxiety that I won’t be ready to navigate the world by myself at the end of the program and like the DBT manual says, I try to be mindful and:

Rivet [myself] to now. Be completely present to this one moment. Throw [myself] completely into activities of the current moment.

It’s hard to do, and I know I can do hard things.

I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. I’ve come a long way from where I was on March 1. And, for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to the new year and the opportunities the future holds (better mental health, progress in school, quality time with family and friends, etc.).

One of the opportunities I’m taking advantage of is resurrecting my book blog. Well, I’m starting a new one, anyway, as there’s nothing left of the old one. I’m looking forward to connecting with other readers and bloggers.

Are you looking forward to 2022? Do you have any resolutions?

Here’s to many wonderful possibilities! May your new year be merry and bright!

About Jenni Elyse


Hi, I'm Jenni. I'm an eclectic reader and I mostly read fiction. I favor fantasy, science fiction, historical fiction, mystery, thrillers, and romance. The more kissing the better!
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10 replies
  1. Karen
    Karen says:

    I can’t do resolutions because they make me feel too pressured but the last few years I’ve felt present but just…there. I started cognitive behavior therapy because I was having anxiety and panic attacks again after many years being ok.

    So I guess I just want to find direction again. Not so much a specific goal but just, like you said, be present but enjoy moments *more* if that makes sense.

    I’m so happy you found Doug. Finding someone you trust and feel comfortable with is a huge thing.

    All the love and good energy to you and your goals in 2022.

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      Thank you!

      I’m like you. I also don’t do resolutions as I don’t like the pressure. I think the last few years has been challenging for a lot of people. I’m glad you started CBT. I hope it’s helping. All the love and good energy to you as well! <3

      Reply
  2. Suey
    Suey says:

    I’m really scared for this year but I do have a lot of goals in mind to help me be distracted and get through yet another one! Here’s hoping it turns out to be a good one for all of us!

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      I understand your fear. Even though I’m looking forward to this year, I’m still scared too. I’m worried about COVID and political unrest and all the weight that accompanies those words. And, I’m trying to “just keep swimming.” 😀

      Reply

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