I first created this blog on June 24, 2007. Before that, I had a website that I had created in 1996 using CSS and HTML. Due to severe depression and anhedonia, I stopped blogging regularly around three years ago. I’ve changed my blog’s concept more times than I can count during the 14 years since its inception. I’ve finally realized this is because I was trying to work through my anhedonia and keep my blog alive.
In the last three years, I’ve attempted to start my blog up again and again. However, I didn’t have the proper tools to fight my mental illnesses and they prevailed against my need to express myself creatively. Near the end of April, I started a new therapy called Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that’s specially designed for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I was diagnosed with BPD around seven months ago. Even though I’ve only been in DBT for a month, I can already tell a difference in how I’m dealing with distress and depression.
In my most recent individual session with my DBT therapist (Doug–I’ll be talking about him a lot), we figured out that creativity is very important to me. Now that I’m starting to focus on more than just crises and/or depression, I feel like my creativity is waking up again. Doug pointed out that I talk a lot about blogging even though I wasn’t currently blogging, so he challenged me to start my blog up again. He told me that not only would it help me fight feeling depressed all the time, it’d also be a good way to use the skills I’m currently learning in DBT as I’m going to feel self-conscious or not able to continue at some point. Instead of giving in to my uncomfortable feelings like I’ve always done in the past, I can use my skills to work through my feelings and keep going.
I’m not necessarily going to focus on the ups and downs of dealing with mental illness, but I’ll definitely talk about it as it’s a big part of my life. I want this to be a lifestyle blog. I just need to ease into it a bit and figure out what exactly I want to write about besides mental health.
Anyway, I’m excited and nervous to be back since this is like take 5,003 on my blog. I hope you decide to share this ride along with me.