Feeling

I’m feeling thankful. January was a tough month for me. Even though we figured out most of my health issues and nothing significant really happened, my depression reared its ugly head, accompanied by a healthy dose of anhedonia. I didn’t feel like doing anything I normally loved doing–blogging, reading, journaling, building LEGO, drawing, etc. Besides spending time with Corey and a few of my friends, the only thing I seemed to feel like doing was play my Switch … so I did.

I met with Doug, my therapist, this past week and we discussed how I was doing and feeling. He told me not to get down on myself. People recently done with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) often go through the same thing I did. He said that when people feel in control of their urges, which happens after they graduate from therapy, they stop using their skills. At first it doesn’t seem like a big deal. As time goes on, however, we settle into our old patterns and behaviors. And, if left unchecked, we find ourself in crisis once again.

Fortunately, I didn’t let it get that far. I realized something was off and sought help. Now, I just need to keep using my skills, at least the ones I stopped using. (That “just” makes it sound so simple, lol.) Anyway, I wasn’t challenging my negative thoughts and urges. Instead of giving in to them, it’s much more effective to use Opposite Action and do the things I know help keep me in a good headspace, even when I don’t want to. So… here I am blogging again.

Blogging

I haven’t blogged since January 4 so nothing to report.

Reading

I’m hoping to start reading MY GRANDMOTHER ASKED ME TO TELL YOU SHE’S SORRY by Frederik Backman in the next couple of days. It was my IRL book club’s pick for January.

Listening

I’ve been listening to my Faves playlist a lot this past week. One of the songs I always enjoy listening to is “Hearing Damage” by Thom Yorke.

Watching

Corey and I finished watching (rewatching for him) DEXTER this past week. I loved it. I loved the characters, the story, the relationships, and exploring Dexter’s nature.

We also watched DEXTER: NEW BLOOD this week (his first time too). I liked it, just not as much as the original series. I liked who Dexter’s new Dark Passenger took the form of and the overarching theme of the 10 episodes. We were very disappointed with the ending because it felt out of character for Dexter. I also felt like the ending undid all of Dexter’s growth in season 8 of the original series.

I really liked the actors in both. I think they all did a phenomenal job.

Loving

I really love my friends. I love spending time with them and I love being supportive. I hope I can always be someone they can count on to help them when they’re dealing with hard things.

Wanting

I want to learn how to build websites and blogs. I know a little html and css. I also know how to customize most WordPress themes. I want to learn how to build them from scratch, though. I really love working on my blog and I think out of all my options, building websites and blogs would make me the happiest.

Needing

I need to figure out what to do in regards to school. I don’t think school will help me reach my building websites and blogs goal. Besides, I’ve been in school for 8.5 years and I have 103 credits in random subjects because of the lack of direction in my life. I’m no closer to getting my Bachelor’s than I was when I received my Associate’s back in 1999. I made an appointment with a general advisor for tomorrow to talk about my options. Maybe we can piecemeal a degree together so I can finally graduate.

How was your week? Anything exciting happen?