Sunday News #6
Feeling
I’m feeling exhausted both physically and mentally. I’m also feeling grateful. (I’m not sure about talking about this. I have before, but not as a book blogger. I’m a little nervous I won’t be accepted the same way I was after sharing this.)
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) about a year and a half ago. This means my emotions are more extreme than the general population. I can go from feeling really happy to suddenly feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt all within a matter of minutes. People with BPD are often misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. However, the ups and downs with Bipolar Disorder last longer, usually weeks at a time, whereas the ups and downs with BPD only last for hours, maybe days.
Trigger warning. Only continue reading if you’re in a good space. It’s been a really difficult week. I wanted to hurt myself earlier in the week because of a misperception on my part that made me spiral into a bad place. Luckily, I was able to use my skills that I’ve been learning in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and stop myself before I did anything. It’s the first time I’ve come to really hurting myself since last March when I overdosed on Lithium and ended up in the hospital for a week.
Mental illnesses are hard. They’re invisible. Others don’t know you’re suffering most of the time and with my type of BPD, Quiet BPD where I act in rather than out, it’s even harder for others to recognize when I’m having a rough go. What I’ve learned in DBT is that it’s not up to others to make me feel better. It’s up to me. It’s been a long, hard process. Sometimes, I want to give up. I remember where I was almost a year ago and that I never want to go through that again. DBT has given me the skills to help me succeed. Without learning how to regulate my emotions when I’m in crisis, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself and I may not have survived this week. I thank God for my therapist and DBT!
Blogging
This week on the blog:
Reading
I finished reading ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney yesterday and I’ll be posting my review tomorrow. I’m starting THE SOUND OF STARS by Alechia Dow today. It’s one of my picks for Black History Month. I don’t think I’ll get to my second pick, which is a companion novel to THE SOUND OF STARS called THE KINDRED.
I’ve managed to read four of the books that all came available at the same time from the library. I still have two more to read, both Alechia Dow books, and as I said above, I’ll probably only finish the one by Thursday. Five out of six books is awesome! Especially for me, one of the slowest readers in existence! Okay, not really, but I am slow.
Listening
Last week, I said I’d share my favorite song by The Piano Guys since I shared their version of “Für Elise.” Here’s my favorite song. I like to listen to it when I’m feeling down, which is perfect for this week. What do you think?
Watching
I watched the new season of Disenchantment with Corey on Netflix. It’s from the makers of Futurama and The Simpsons. As you know from last week, I’m a huge fan of Futurama. Disenchantment has been Corey’s and my way of dealing with no Futurama. Plus, it’s a really good show!
Loving
I love this picture of my cat Izzy that Corey sent me while I was at group (for DBT) on Thursday. It makes me smile and laugh. She’s such a crazy kitty. I love her so much.
Wanting
I want more! Bear with me, lol. My friends and I had a chance to go to our local library to attend a book launch for LEMON DROP FALLS by Heather Clark. She was in conversation with author Jennifer A. Nielsen. It was the first author event we’ve been to in over two years because of the pandemic. Now, that we’ve gone to one event, I want to keep going. I miss them and I miss getting out.
Needing
I need to spend more time with my friends. I’m an extrovert and I need people. I think my recent decline in mood has been due to isolating more because of omicron. Even though this week was hard and I almost hurt myself, I also felt happier than I have in a really long time. I felt the happiest when I was out with my friends.
How was your week? Anything exciting happen?
Thank you for sharing this personal story. I have an extended family member that might get diagnosed with this, in the coming year. I won’t share anymore info because it isn’t my story to tell and I use my blog for only book chat. That being said… I had to say something because you are not alone in your struggle, and unfortunately mental illnesses are invisible. I have chronic pain and that is invisible also to the average person.
Ok, to books. I’ve considered Rock Paper Scissors. Not sure if I’m in the mood for psychological suspense this week but maybe in the future.
I appreciate that you don’t want to share your extended family member’s story. I also admire that. Often we share other people’s stories without thinking about it and thank you for protecting them. Thank you also for letting me know I’m not alone. <3
That was so courageous of you to share your story. Everyone is affected in one way or another by mental illness, and it’s so important to share these stories so that others won’t feel alone.
Izzy is just adorable. I hope you find ways to spend more time with your friends too! I hope you have a great week ahead.
One of the reasons I do share my story is to help others know they’re not alone. It’s scary, though, as you can probably imagine because the stigma is still real. It’s being challenged and going away, but it’s not quite gone yet.
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you feel better soon. I’m glad you got to spend time with your friends. I wish I knew bookish people in real life. Nobody understands my obsession. 🙂
Thanks! 🙂 I appreciate your well wishes. I wish you knew bookish people IRL too. I found my friends through blogging, actually. We discovered we were all in the same state and all live within 20 minutes of each other. Maybe, you’ll have the same luck too.
I appreciate you sharing that personal of an issue with us. I personally suffer from depression, and had a time this past week when I started to kind of spiral myself, but I’ve worked on some of my own self-talk methods to help myself with it. So I get what you mean about how you have to do it yourself, other people can’t make you feel better. Love the kitty picture! Jealous of the author event! Hope you have a better week!
https://lisalovesliterature.bookblog.io/2022/02/20/weekly-wrap-up-55-february-20th-2022/
I’m sorry you had a hard week too. Spirals are so hard to deal with. I’m glad you were able to use your own self-talk methods to help. <3
Thank you for sharing. I know someone who may be going through something similar and DBT came up as a treatment option- it was the first time I had heard of it. And then I saw your thoughts. I say thanks for sharing because often sharing like this can help others to know they’re not alone.
I’m looking forward to a review of rock since it seems like I’ve seen that book around quite a bit.
Be well this week and take care of yourself.!!
DBT is awesome. I highly recommend it. I recommend it for everyone, frankly. I’ve been in therapy for the entirety of my adult life and I’ve made more progress in this past year than anytime else. I hope your friend or family member finds the treatment that’s right for them whether it’s DBT or something else.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Many virtual hugs to you. I hope this is a good week.
Thank you! <3
I’m so glad you have friends to go to events and that DBT has given you some tools to improve things. Hopefully, this week will be better.
Thanks, Anne! I appreciate that. <3
Cats can be great therapy. Thanks for sharing and keep trusting God and relying on good friends for support.
Cats are the best. Izzy often comforts me when I need it. One of my favorite things is to listen to her purr when I’m feeling down. 🙂
I’m so glad your therapist and DBT were able to help you and that you recognized that you needed that help and were able to have the strength to use both of those tools. That and being able to share so honestly are signs of great strength. I’m an introvert (as is the rest of my family) so the pandemic hasn’t been too hard on me but my mother is very much an extrovert and she has really struggled with it all but really didn’t realize at first what was causing her depression and stress. I’m glad you were able to have some fun with friends. Have a wonderful week.
Thank you so much! <3 I'm sorry your mom has struggled with the pandemic. I hope she's been able to find a way to cope. 🙂
I am sorry to hear how hard your week was. That is awesome that you got to go to an author event. I am an introvert but I also need to get out more and need people around. This is such a weird/hard time. Glad you had a lot of reading time. Have a great week.
Thank you. It really is such a weird/hard time for almost everyone. I’m sorry it’s been hard for you too. I hope you’re able to get out and be around people. <3
Fabulous picture! Well done on being brave enough to speak out about your diagnosis and how it affects you. Mental health carries such a stigma but every time someone speaks out about it those barriers are gradually broken down. I’m so happy to hear that DBT is working for you and that you have managed to embrace it. The trouble with many mental health issues/disabilities is that they make it difficult to engage with the very therapies that help alleviate the problem. I work with young people with anxiety, ADHD, ASD and other mental health issues and it is so difficult to not only find the right treatment but get them to engage with it too.
Thank you! Yes, exactly! It is so hard to find the right program. I’ve been in therapy for the entirety of my adult life and I’ve made more progress in this past year than anytime else. I can only imagine how hard it is to work with young people and to get them to engage with their treatment.
I am so glad for DBT and your therapist–and for you. Thank you for sharing a little bit more about yourself with us. You showed so much courage by doing so and for fighting for yourself even when you were feeling at your lowest. I know that cannot have been easy. Sending hugs.
I hope you are able to have more outings and visits with friends. Everyone looks so happy in the photos. It’s been ages since I was last at a book event.
Izzy is so adorable! Our animal companions mean so much to us, don’t they? I love my cats. They bring me peace.
I hope you have a better week.
Thank you! <3 I hope you're able to go to a book event sometime soon. I'm not sure it's that feasible for you where you're at or not. Yes, I agree completely about our animal companions. My life wouldn't be nowhere near as full as it without my Izzy or my Dax. 🙂
I know how hard it can be to share these things but we absolutely accept you and it doesn’t in anyway change my opinion of you. It makes me thankful that you found someone you like for therapy and that you continue to try to help others. You know my issues but I also have a family member with dissociative identity disorder and it’s been a long road. She believed she was the only one and just realizing she wasn’t is a huge help.
And I didn’t realize The Kindred was a companion novel. I was going to listen tot he audio on Hoopla soon. DO I need to read the first one?
{{hugs}} Jenni!
Thanks, Karen! I really appreciate your love and support! <3 I hope you and your family member also feel the love and support you need to navigate your mental health journey.
From what I've read on Goodreads, I think you can read The Kindred as a stand-alone.
I was out of town this past weekend so I am just getting back around to look at the posts from my blogging friends. I am so-o-o proud of you for using your DBT skills this past week to talk yourself back from your dark place. I, too, am learning how I have to be responsible for taking care of myself, not hoping someone else will rescue me. Keep looking up and looking forward. You’ve got the tools you did to succeed and to flourish! You’ve got this!
Thanks, Anne! I really appreciate that. I’m glad you’re learning to help yourself too. It’s hard work. We can do it, though! 🙂