Sunday Post #7

The Sunday Post is a blog news meme hosted at Caffeinated Reviewer. It’s a chance to share news, recap the past week on your blog, and showcase books and things received.
Feeling

I’m feeling crushed and a little bit numb. My friendship of 10 years with my BFF ended this week. She basically told me she can’t handle my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because the unpredictability of my moods is too much for her. She termed my mood swings as tantrums.

I understand being around someone with a mental illness like mine is hard. I also understand the last year has been difficult because of my suicide attempt last March. I know what I did didn’t just affect me; it affected everyone around me.

Last week, I said I was diagnosed with Quiet BPD, which means that I act in rather than out. In the past, most people, except maybe my husband, didn’t even know I was struggling. My moods have been more unpredictable because I’m in a very intense therapy program (I talked about it last week) and a lot of my struggles, pains, issues are rising to the surface what feels like almost constantly. This makes it really hard for me to regulate my emotions and it’s like the “quiet” part of my diagnosis is gone.

It’s all new terrain for me. At some point, I’ll be able to regulate my emotions better. That’s what my therapy’s doing for me–giving me the skills so I can navigate difficult situations. I’m learning, changing, and growing. And, with growing, there are growing pains. I wish my ex-friend could see that.

Blogging

I only started to blog again two months ago. I love blogging. I’ve actually had a website since 1996 in some way, shape, or form. The only reason I stopped blogging was because of severe depression. It just had too much of a hold on me and I didn’t have the tools to fight the anhedonia that accompanied the depression. It’s only because of my current therapist and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that I’m blogging again.

Why am I mentioning this? The devastation of losing my friend the way I did this week nearly caused me to close up shop again, especially since she’s part of the blogging community and I’ll to continue to see her around the interwebs. … I decided, though, that no matter how much this hurts, she doesn’t get to win, in that way anyway. I’m going to keep blogging, reading, and moving forward in my therapy. Not for her, for me.

This week on the blog:

Reading

I started reading THE SOUND OF STARS by Alechia Dow. To be honest, though, I’ve been preoccupied with other things as you can imagine. I’m going to put THE SOUND OF STARS on hold for a couple of days so I can quickly read THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER by CS Lewis for the latest installment for the Narniathon21 that I’m participating in.

Listening

This week, I’ve been listening to The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square. They used to be known as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Whenever I’m feeling really down or I’m going through a really tough time, I listen to The Tabernacle Choir sing because it’s comforting and helps remind me I’m not alone.

I have several favorite songs, especially if they’re performing in person or on TV. My favorite, this week, has been “Consider the Lilies” because it was my mom’s favorite and it reminds me of her. I miss her lot. “Consider the Lilies” comes from the following scripture:

“And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.”

Matthew 6:28 KJV
Watching

I’ve been watching the new season of The Amazing Race. I really like the contestants. Kim and Penn Holderness are my favorite. I’m not a Holderness family fanatic or anything. I’ve watched some of their YouTube videos, but I don’t subscribe to them. I just really like Kim and Penn as a team. They’re very considerate to each other. I’ve never once heard them put each other down like other couples have and do on the show. The last time I watched The Amazing Race was season 9. It’s fun to watch it again after all this time. This season has been interesting because it was interrupted for more than 18 months by the pandemic.

Loving

I discovered Among Us, the video game, and I love it! It’s so much fun to play. I love that I can play it on my Nintendo Switch and Corey can join with his computer or iPhone. If you like video games, I highly recommend it. It takes a little bit to get used to the rules and game play, but once you understand what’s going on, you won’t want to put it down.

Wanting

I want a do-over. This semester is turning out to be a disaster. I’m having a hard time staying focused, caught up, and motivated because all my classes are online due to omicron and I do better when I’m actually in the classroom. Also, some of my mental health struggles during the last three weeks have made it a little harder than normal to focus on school.

Needing

I need Russia to leave Ukraine alone. And, honestly, it’s not really Russia, it’s Vladimir Putin. The Russians are subject to his whims and, unfortunately, the Ukrainians have to pay for it. I hope this ordeal doesn’t last long and I wish I could help other than just hurling insults at Putin.

How was your week? Anything exciting happen?

About Jenni Elyse


Hi, I'm Jenni. I’m an eclectic reader. I mostly read fiction and I favor fantasy, science fiction, historical fiction, mystery, thrillers, and romance. The more kissing in a book the better!
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20 replies
  1. Harvee
    Harvee says:

    Nothing too exciting here except going to the movies for the first time in a while. The full screen scenes of the Nile and the temples along the river are fascinating and well worth going to see Death on the Nile, which I really enjoyed. Hope your week goes well!

    Reply
  2. Mia @ Genre Books and Me
    Mia @ Genre Books and Me says:

    Sorry to hear of your troubles with your BFF. Hopefully that gets resolved in the future. I watch The Amazing Race, and have watched all of them during lockdown by bingeing on Hulu or Amazon Prime, forgot which. A nice distraction.

    Reply
  3. Wendy
    Wendy says:

    I am so sorry about your friend. I hope she’s able to see the error of her ways soon. I also hope you’re able to get excited about your schoolwork again soon. I hope you have a great week!

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      Thanks, Wendy! 🙂 My husband is out of town this weekend. To help keep me from ruminating about my friend so much, I’ve actually been forcing myself to catch up on some of my homework. It feels good to be productive. I’m happy with my Japanese and math class. It’s the computer programming class I’m still struggling with. I’ll conquer it, though. 🙂

      Reply
  4. Yvonne @ Socrates Book Reviews
    Yvonne @ Socrates Book Reviews says:

    I’m so sorry about you BFF. I do hope things turn around for you.

    I hope your reading is a distraction for you. I like to delve into either a good book or TV show to take my mind off things, but it isn’t easy.

    Take care of yourself and I hope this is a good week.

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      Thanks, Yvonne! Reading has been nice and watching TV has been helpful too. I’ve also actually got a lot of homework done this weekend too, which has helped keep my mind off of things. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Greg
    Greg says:

    I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story though- I’m sure it helps others to know that others are going through similar things. As time goes on I become more and more convinced that so many of us are dealing with things that are hard to talk about. I used to think that mental illness was something that happened occasionally, but these days I feel like we all struggle to a degree with things. Some more seriously than others of course but there is a lot of hurt and struggle out there. Take care of yourself!

    I hope your semester gets better. and oh my gosh right about Ukraine? Putin ugh

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      Thank you, Greg! 🙂 I think a lot of people are struggling with mental illness too and I think we don’t know it because the illnesses are invisible most of the time. Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it!

      And, yes, Putin, ugh!

      Reply
  6. Cindy Davis
    Cindy Davis says:

    I am sorry about losing your BFF. I lost one about 15 years ago and it still hurts at times. I want to watch the Amazing Race now, I didn’t realize Penn and Kim were competing. I hope this week is a better week for you!

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      Thanks, Cindy! Sorry about your friend 15 years ago. I think the hurt never fully goes away, but it lessens over time. It’s like with losing my mom almost 9 years ago. It still hurts because I miss her, but it’s not crippling loss anymore.

      I’ve been watching The Amazing Race on Paramount+ if you want to watch the season with Penn and Kim. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Deb Nance at Readerbuzz
    Deb Nance at Readerbuzz says:

    Many people are having emotional issues right now. I tend to think that each of us is doing the best we can. I know that I have lots of problems being around people who scream and yell at me, and I’ve had to step back at times from some people that I love for my own mental health. I also tend to think that other people step up when some step back; I will be hoping that happens for you.

    School’s just tough. It’s great that you have people in your corner for you.

    Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers your way…

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      I appreciate your insight. Thank you for your candor. (I feel like I’m in Divergent, lol.) I hope I can learn to step up from this as well. I get that each of us is doing the best we can. It’s just the way she handled the situation that upsets me the most.

      I also hope I haven’t given the impression that I scream and yell to get my way. I know a lot of people with BPD do, but that’s one thing I don’t do–still don’t do. If I were around someone who did that, I’d have a hard time being around them as well. I’d understand why she wanted space. No, my mood swings go from ecstatically happy and bubbly to extremely depressed and sullen. Again, it’s the way she handled the situation that upsets me the most.

      Reply
  8. Sophie
    Sophie says:

    I am really sorry for you losing your BFF. I hope she’ll change her mind at some point. Living with a mental illness is hard but being on therapy was the good decision. Hugs!

    Reply
  9. Karen
    Karen says:

    I’m sure losing your friend is very difficult for you. Maybe she needs to step back and learn too (I know I needed to educate myself about my relative to learn how to speak with them so as not tot take things personally and to understand the thigs they are feeling) but I’m so proud how you used your new tools to redirect your feelings and handled it in a healthier way (& that you are still here!)

    I’ve been reading 3 different books – one on kindle, one audio and one hardcover, that I finished, and trying to squeeze in a little gardening before a heavy rain.

    Karen @For What It’s Worth

    Reply
    • Jenni Elyse
      Jenni Elyse says:

      Yes, it’s not just me. She has feelings too, like Deb said above. It was hard to hear when I read her comment yesterday. I’m still upset with how she handled the situation and I’m okay now with how everything turned out. It’s for the best. I’m still sad, of course. I just know I’ll be able to grow from this and move on and be okay.

      Reply

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