I’m feeling exhausted both physically and mentally. I’m also feeling grateful. (I’m not sure about talking about this. I have before, but not as a book blogger. I’m a little nervous I won’t be accepted the same way I was after sharing this.)
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) about a year and a half ago. This means my emotions are more extreme than the general population. I can go from feeling really happy to suddenly feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt all within a matter of minutes. People with BPD are often misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. However, the ups and downs with Bipolar Disorder last longer, usually weeks at a time, whereas the ups and downs with BPD only last for hours, maybe days.
Trigger warning. Only continue reading if you’re in a good space. It’s been a really difficult week. I wanted to hurt myself earlier in the week because of a misperception on my part that made me spiral into a bad place. Luckily, I was able to use my skills that I’ve been learning in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and stop myself before I did anything. It’s the first time I’ve come to really hurting myself since last March when I overdosed on Lithium and ended up in the hospital for a week.
Mental illnesses are hard. They’re invisible. Others don’t know you’re suffering most of the time and with my type of BPD, Quiet BPD where I act in rather than out, it’s even harder for others to recognize when I’m having a rough go. What I’ve learned in DBT is that it’s not up to others to make me feel better. It’s up to me. It’s been a long, hard process. Sometimes, I want to give up. I remember where I was almost a year ago and that I never want to go through that again. DBT has given me the skills to help me succeed. Without learning how to regulate my emotions when I’m in crisis, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself and I may not have survived this week. I thank God for my therapist and DBT!
This week on the blog:
I finished reading ROCK PAPER SCISSORS by Alice Feeney yesterday and I’ll be posting my review tomorrow. I’m starting THE SOUND OF STARS by Alechia Dow today. It’s one of my picks for Black History Month. I don’t think I’ll get to my second pick, which is a companion novel to THE SOUND OF STARS called THE KINDRED.
I’ve managed to read four of the books that all came available at the same time from the library. I still have two more to read, both Alechia Dow books, and as I said above, I’ll probably only finish the one by Thursday. Five out of six books is awesome! Especially for me, one of the slowest readers in existence! Okay, not really, but I am slow.
Last week, I said I’d share my favorite song by The Piano Guys since I shared their version of “Für Elise.” Here’s my favorite song. I like to listen to it when I’m feeling down, which is perfect for this week. What do you think?
I watched the new season of Disenchantment with Corey on Netflix. It’s from the makers of Futurama and The Simpsons. As you know from last week, I’m a huge fan of Futurama. Disenchantment has been Corey’s and my way and dealing with no Futurama. Plus, it’s a really good show!
I love this picture of my cat Izzy that Corey sent me while I was at group (for DBT) on Thursday. It makes me smile and laugh. She’s such a crazy kitty. I love her so much.
I want more! Bear with me, lol. My friends and I had a chance to go to our local library to attend a book launch for LEMON DROP FALLS by Heather Clark. She was in conversation with author Jennifer A. Nielsen. It was the first author event we’ve been to in over two years because of the pandemic. Now, that we’ve gone to one event, I want to keep going. I miss them and I miss getting out.
I need to spend more time with my friends. I’m an extrovert and I need people. I think my recent decline in mood has been due to isolating more because of omicron. Even though this week was hard and I almost hurt myself, I also felt happier than I have in a really long time. I felt the happiest when I was out with my friends.
How was your week? Anything exciting happen?