I posted this once before, but then I deleted it because I’m fickle. Well, no, depression is fickle and my depression controls me. I do things based on my mood. (“Mood” seems like such a little word to describe what depression is or how it makes me feel, but it’s all I can think of right now.) I probably shouldn’t do things based on my mood because my mood changes a lot and so I change my mind a lot. Poor Corey. He’s always trying to figure out what I’m going to do next and it’s impossible to predict.

Anyway, I digress. Here’s what I meant to post … again. (It’s kind of goes perfectly with what I wrote above. 🤦🏼‍♀️)

Rising from the Ashes

Why? 
Why do I keep doing this? 
I am nothing. 
A failure. 
I try and try and try, never following through, never succeeding. 

Shame.
Guilt.
Weakness.
Depression.

I’m sucked into the depths of despair.
I crumple. 
I fall. 
I cry.

I feel nothing.

I am lost. 
I am drifting in a tide of uncertainties.

I want to be happy.
I want to be healthy. 
I want more in life.

I am impassioned.
I am defiant.

I fight back.
I try again and again and again, until I succeed.

The Refiner’s fire is agonizing.
But, I wait for the ashes. 
The ashes of rebirth. 
I will rise. 
I will succeed. 
I will be reborn into a phoenix.

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