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Rising from the Ashes

A few years ago, I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I wouldn’t say my depression was at its worst because I wasn’t suicidal, but I was in a bad way. My mom had recently passed away. I blew threw over 100 hours of paid time off in a little over a year. I was nearing my heaviest weight and I had tried over and over to lose weight but no matter what I kept gaining it right back and then some. I felt like a yo-yo going back and forth, up and down, good and bad, happy and sad.

I’m not much of a writer, but I’ve dabbled with a few stories here and there. However, during this low point, I had an itch to write some poetry and this was the result. I look at it when I’m especially low to help me remember not to give up.

Rising from the Ashes

Why?
Why do I keep doing this?
I am nothing.
A failure.
I try and try and try, never following through, never succeeding.

Shame.
Guilt.
Weakness.
Depression.

I’m sucked into the depths of despair.
I crumple.
I fall.
I cry.

I feel nothing.

I am lost.
I am drifting in a tide of uncertainties.

I want to be happy.
I want to be healthy.
I want more in life.

I am impassioned.
I am defiant.

I fight back.
I try again and again and again, until I succeed.

The Refiner’s fire is agonizing.
But, I wait for the ashes.
The ashes of rebirth.
I will rise.
I will succeed.
I will be reborn into a phoenix.