I’m still feeling really good about starting to blog again. I’ve been working on getting my blog to look just the way I want it to look. I even updated the pictures on my celebrity crushes collage.
Isn’t it lovely? I think so. (You can see who they are if you don’t know on my About Jenni Elyse page.)
Anyway, besides blog maintenance, the last few days have been pretty good days. I’ve still felt a bit of depression hovering over me and following me wherever I go AND I’ve been using the skills I’m learning in Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) to cope. In fact, the underlined “and” in my previous sentence is one of those skills. It’s recognizing a dialectic, or two opposite sides of a situation. Instead of living in the extremes, which used to be and still is oftentimes my favorite place to hang out, I try to live in the middle. In this case, I recognized that I’m feeling sad (depression) AND that I can cope with that feeling. Or, in other words, it’s not the end of the world like I used to think it is. In only one month, DBT has definitely helped me become more aware of my feelings, values, and what I’m capable of in terms of doing hard things even when I don’t want to.
As far as blogging goes, I’m still trying to decide if I should announce my blog’s grand re-opening on Instagram or not. Part of me wants to so people will know and participate in the discussion. However, there’s a huge part of me that wants to stay as far away from that urge as possible. I feel so much shame for all the times I stopped and started and changed the concept of my blog. I feel like I gave all my readers/friends whiplash and I’m embarrassed by it. What if people are too burnt out to deal with my mood swings? (It looks like I feel some fear along with that shame.) If I were to use a DBT skill in this situation, it’d be to act opposite of the emotion I’m feeling, which is to not avoid sharing this news on Instagram and be excited about moving forward…. Doug, my DBT therapist, always tells me he has a tattoo on his forehead that basically says it’s easier said than done. Truth. Maybe doing a pros and cons list will help me decide to act after all. Wish me luck.