I thought it might be interesting to share a snippet from my journal. This entry is from yesterday. I’m a little anxious about sharing it because it shows how I, as a person diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), am extremely vulnerable in relationships. People with BPD live in constant fear of being abandoned by those they love and as my therapist likes to say, we’re often in a “I hate you … don’t leave me” kind of state with our relationships, especially when we believe we’re in crisis. (Oftentimes, Corey thinks we’re having a simple disagreement while I’m in full on crisis mode, thinking he doesn’t love me anymore.) It’s very exhausting for the both of us.
Parker = my previous personal therapist, now couples’ therapist
Doug = my new personal therapist, DBT certified
I highlighted the specific DBT skills I used in my journal entry to help me see which skills were effective. I also underlined “and” any time it was used dialectically, meaning there were two feelings or sides (often opposites) that were true.