It’s almost been a couple of months since I posted on my blog. Part of the reason is because my life has been crazy with school, homework, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and everything else I have going on in my life. And, it’s also because I feel like I’ve been struggling emotionally.

This time of year’s hard for me. I seem to become more depressed the closer we get to the new year. Doug, my DBT therapist, doesn’t like me to focus on the diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder because I use it as an excuse. Instead, he wants me to realize that I’m sadder this time of year so I have more opportunities to use my skills. … IT’S SO HARD! I don’t know why I haven’t realized until now that choosing to keep moving forward is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. Some days, I can do it no problem! Other days, I crumple and cry and want to give up. I’m so thankful I have Doug to help me keep making the hard choices.

I’ve also been struggling with my relationships with my friends … not all of them, but a few significant ones. I’m scared to talk about it because I don’t know if they read my blog (does anyone?) or if they’ll know that I’m referring to them. If they do, they’re probably tired of dealing with my mood swings. DBT is helping me become more skillful AND sometimes it takes me a while to regulate my emotions. (I think I’ve told you how hard it is.) Anyway, I feel like I’m slowly and unintentionally pushing them away. 😞

As far as school’s concerned, it’s still going well. I still enjoy all three of my classes. I’m getting an A or A- each of them. Because I’m sadder right now than I was when the semester started, it’s harder for me to actually go to class, especially my 8:00 one. I’m proud to say, though, that I’ve kept my absences down to a minimum. After Thanksgiving, there’s only two weeks plus finals left of the semester. It’s crazy how fast it’s gone by! I’m registered for next semester. I’m taking 15 credits which are spread amongst 5 classes, most of them math classes because…

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I was second guessing whether I still wanted to pursue architecture or drafting. I’ve officially decided they aren’t for me. There isn’t enough math involved. I just want to solve pure, unadulterated math for the rest of my life. I 💜 math and I think I’ve decided I want to be a math professor. I just need to get over my disdain for people who hate/don’t get math. 😂 Fortunately, I have Doug for that. So … I declared myself as a math major. I should’ve known it was the best course of action from the very beginning because we’ve got pi.

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