Searching for My Creativity
You may have noticed the quote in my blog header: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” It’s a quote by Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and it’s my favorite quote. I think it’s so profound; it speaks to my soul as I’m a dreamer and not a liver.
I’ve always had an active imagination and I daydream a lot! When I was growing up, I often dreamed of being a princess in a far off land, meeting and marrying famous people, what it would be like to live in a world with magic, etc. I loved to play with my dolls because they allowed me to use my creativity and daydreams. I played with them until I was nearly 15 years old. 
I didn’t want to give them up, partly, because I didn’t have a ton of friends, I was kind of a loner, and it was my way of having people in my life. However, a bigger part of it was because I liked my make believe world better than the real world. I dwelt on my dreams instead of lived.
I still do this to a large extent. I love my life now, but I get caught up in the make believe so easily. I love the escape from reality. I think that’s why I love to read so much. It still surprises me that I didn’t like to read when I was younger, but I guess it’s because I had my dolls to fill my time.
Sometimes, I feel like I get caught up in the make believe too easily. I want to live in the worlds that I read about or imagine. I want my relationship with Corey to be like the relationships in books or movies, even though I know that’s not reality. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Or, maybe I just need a way to delve into the make believe of my own creation rather than someone else’s, such as by writing.
I enjoyed creative writing in my English classes. (It was actually the only thing I enjoyed about English.) And, I was pretty good at it. But now, I don’t feel like I have what it takes to be a good creative writer. I think being a technical writer for nearly six years has ruined my creativity. It feels like it has been sucked out of me and my reservoir’s dry.
Creative writing’s so different than technical writing. Sure, the same basic concepts apply to both, but the audience is different. With creative writing, the grammar’s a little more relaxed since it’s supposed to be more conversational. Also, a lot of grammar rules are more “styles” than actual “rules” and trying to differentiate between styles is often hard when you don’t have a strong foundation in grammar.
Even when I write a blog post, I feel like I have to dot every “i” and cross every “t.” I want to follow the stylistic choices we use at work because that’s what I’m used to writing with now. I have a hard time being relaxed and funny because it doesn’t seem proper. I don’t feel like I can just let things flow the way they want to flow out of my head. I want everything to be perfect, barring the minor mistakes you expect someone to make.
Another one of my fears with creative writing is I have a hard time reading people. It would be difficult to write each character so they sound unique. And, I think my dialogue would sound unrealistic, corny, and stupid. I’m also not very profound so I don’t think I’d ever come up with a quote that’s significant like the ones you find in the Harry Potter books.
Where do I go from here? How do I find the creativity I’ve lost? How do I learn to let go so my writing is more relaxed? How do I learn to be captivating? … I don’t know.
Hi! Welcome to my blog. I'm Jenni Elyse. This is a blog about my life--the books I read, the parties I go to, the hobbies I enjoy, etc. I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I enjoy writing them! If you want to get to know me better, check out the 
I decided to post a comment since you made me feel all guilty by yelling about it in your cube.
When I was tutoring, lots of people felt the way you do about getting back into writing. They feel like they don’t have good ideas or that things will come out all weird and wrong. The best thing I can suggest that worked really well with everyone I know of, myself included, is to keep a “Free Write” journal. Just set a goal, such as to write one page in your notebook a day. You can write about anything you want–anything that’s on your mind. Don’t worry about grammar or structure or even if the writing makes sense. Just write. If you can get in the habit of doing this, eventually the wheels in your brain will become lubricated once more and your creative juices will begin to flow. That’s my advice.
Don’t be stressed about it Jenni. I often have feelings of inadequacy when it comes to the things that I write or the things that I do for fun. I’ve found that the only way for the to get over this feeling is just to keep writing or keep doing my hobby. I try not to think of how bad this could be otherwise it will actually turn out badly. I believe that’s how it works. When you think that you’ll do bad then you will. So hold your chin up and just keep doing what you love. <3
I’ve got to agree with Lauren. You just have to DO it…no matter what it is you write, just do a little every day (since your days are so empty
). It’s what I should be doing, too!
I agree with you. Technical writing has corrupted my ability to creative write too. But, I just worry less about what people think of my personal writing and it isn’t as much of a problem. When I took sci fi writing in college, we had to write ten pages a week and we were not allowed to worry about punctuation or where the story was going, we just had to write ten pages of a story a week. It was really difficult for me because I like to know where my story is going and I like to rewrite things a lot. But, it really helped my writing.
Try the free writing thing. I think it will help.