I’m a pessimist through and through. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I try to be optimistic, but somewhere deep down I think that if I expect the worst, then I’ll never be disappointed. The only problem with this logic is I tend to be a little paranoid and sad most of the time, which I know gets on people’s nerves … a lot. Even when I have a ton of good things going for me, I tend to focus on the one thing that isn’t.
For the past couple of weeks, things have been going really well for Corey and me. We’re doing fairly okay financially now that my financial aid has come through, I did well on three out of four of my midterm exams (I could have done well on the fourth too; I just don’t have my score yet), we’re both fairly healthy right now, I have a lot of friends, and I’m going to school. But, do I focus on these things? No. Instead, I’ve been focusing on being dead tired all the time, still having to work at my job, not getting to read for pleasure, not having all my good friends or family members comment on my blog but seeing them comment on others’ blogs, wondering if I really have as many friends as I think I do, wondering if I talk too much when I’m around people, and money going really fast even when I’m not trying to spend it.
No wonder I’m tired all the time. Anyone would be tired if they focused on all these negative things. Do you do that too? I think most people do that to some extent because it’s human nature. But, I know so many people that do such a good job at not focusing on the negative, or at least that’s the way it seems to me; maybe, they’re just really good at hiding their true feelings.
Are you an optimist or a pessimist? If you’re an optimist, how do you remain positive when things seem like they’re not going your way? If you’re a pessimist, how do you not focus on that one thing that’s not going your way and refocus on the good in your life?
PS–I’m really grateful for all the comments I get. This post is in no way a ploy to get more comments; I was just using it as another example of what goes through my head when I’m focusing on the bad.
I think it’s probably widely known that I am an extreme pessimist! You know that line in “Say Anything”: “If you start out depressed, everything comes as a pleasant surprise”.
But people like us tend to be much harder on ourselves than we should be. So, don’t be too hard on yourself! From what I’ve seen, you have tons of friends, loyal ones too, and you are excellent in person.
I think I swing back and forth between optimism and pessimism. It so hard to stay upbeat all the time. I marvel at people who can do that. I don’t know the secret.
I’m with Brodi though. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing great things with your life right now and I think you’re a super awesome person and a great friend! :-)
Over the last several years (probably 5) I’ve become more and more of an optimist, with one exception…myself. I have horrible self-confidence. I don’t know why, because all evidence seems to be to the contrary but I’m always completely terrified about every test, paper, and teaching observation. I’m always positive I’ll fail or that I have failed. And then when I do well I’m still worried that others have done better. I’m so worried about finding a job, interviewing etc this coming school year. i try to tell myself optimistic thoughts but the economy is so bad and what if I’m just not a good teacher. It’s super difficult.
First of all, stop worrying about people commenting on your blog. People’s love for you cannot be measured on whether they read your blog. But, optimism can be difficult at times. I find that the best way for me to be grateful for the good things is to look at other people’s crappy lives. It sounds mean, but it works. I look at my friends or family members whose lives are very screwed up or very sad and I just think, “thank goodness it isn’t me.” I’m not saying that this is the right way to be optimistic, it just works for me.
I would have to say that most of the time I try really hard to be an optimist! It’s not always easy! But I would much rather have my glass half full, than to be half empty! Just sounds happier!
I don’t know if I would classify myself as either a pessimist or an optimist. I would classify myself as a “what if-ist” I always think about what if this happens or what if that happens. I try to comment on your blog as much as possible. Sometime, I slack off. I try to comment on the people’s blogs who comment on mine. I think it is kind of rude to snoop and not say anything.
Be happy! You have a lot of good going for you guys right now!
From what I have read on your blog over the last few months, I would say that you are more of an optimist than you think you are, Jenni. I have noticed that if you write about something that is bugging you, you almost always include a positive aspect of the situation, even if it is only a small portion of the big picture. At least that’s the way I see you. For me, being an optimist is something I continually aspire to and hopefully achieve once in a while. It makes life easier somehow.
Hmm. I’ve never really thought about it. I guess I’m more of an optimist. I think I try to suppress the bad stuff or embarrassing stuff. I just work on moving forward and that doesn’t usually include time to stress about things I have no control over. Life is going to happen outside of my realm so I keep going about my stuff.
I swing between the two. I find that if I focus too much on the negative what-ifs then I become depressed, but I realistically cannot maintain the view of perpetual optimism. It’s hard work, and I get tired! But I do find that as I exercise more, eat less sugar, and make daily time for scripture study, I’m FAR more optimistic. That’s not the answer for everyone, but it’s my key to sanity.
I have to agree with Deon’s comment. You are far more positive than you realize. I think the more you focus on the fact that you do that, the less you’ll focus on the times you don’t. We all say and do pessimistic things. Realizing you have a problem is sometimes the first step to change (unless you beat yourself up over the “failure” to do as well as you hope. That’s just mean to yourself, right?).
This from the girl who thinks it’s funny to put her son’s clean underpants on her head like a hat and run around the living room tickling kids. Maybe you should take what I say with a grain of salt :)
I would like we would all be fooling ourselves if we didn’t say that you sway back and forth; that’s just the nature of life. What’s different is how we each choose to learn from the good and bad.
I too much agree with Deon and Ali—you are more positive than you think–and definitely more positive than you realize.
I would also have to agree with Ali again–man she’s good— about the things that help me stay positive. I always have better days when I read the scriptures and/or exercise and/or eat right. I would also add spending time and talking to those we love and care about also helps!
Speaking of— love you!
It’s hard to stay optimistic all the time and we definitely have our bad days. As I’ve gotten older I realize it’s not worth my time and effort to worry about things I can’t control – a hard lesson to learn for a control freak. But I am certainly a lot happier when I let things go. And I know it sounds cheesy, but a smile really does brighten your day. I find when I am frazzled, stressed, or worried, I haven’t taken time to smile. It’s simple, but it makes me feel a lot better. I remember Sis. Hinckley saying that she would rather laugh than cry because crying makes her head hurt. I agree! I’m sure you’ll figure things out.
I’m an optimist. We were just talking about this in church today in fact. I think I’ve just come to realize that for whatever time I have here I’m going to make darn sure I enjoy it. There are some things I have control over and some things I dont. One of those is my attitude and I just figure I’d rather be happy a lot then the alternative. I’ve noticed too that when I focus on the good stuff, the bad stuff doesnt hurt so bad (it certainly still happens, and it totally sucks, but it’s easier for me now –as opposed to a few years ago–to realize that it’s going to pass and I’ll get through it). I hope some of that made sense.
I am an optimist! I sometimes even make up excuses for evil people who cut me off on the freeway… like maybe they ate some bad pastrami for lunch so they’re in a super hurry to get home to a toilet!
The best way that I know of to stay positive is to put a positive spin on everything. For example rather than yelling at my son to stop dragging the baby across the living room I tell him to go quick and pick up three cars. This gives him a positive, alternative action to do with his hands. Just trying to come up with ways of turning things positive keeps my brain from instantly going into angry mode and therefore makes me happier.
I try hard to be an optimist. But when a ton of stressors come at me all at once from all different directions (i.e. school, money, etc.), it is so easy for me to get depressed. Jordan tells me just to take it one day at a time, and not to worry about what I can’t fix right that second. There is no use in it. That seems to help a lot until things work themselves out one by one.