Finding the Passion to Read

Yesterday evening, I had the chance to meet a few book bloggers and authors who live in Utah.  I’d post a recap of the fun I had, but I’m waiting for a picture.  I’ll post more when I receive it.  :)

At the party last night, I explained to many of the authors and some of the bloggers that I wasn’t a reader until two and a half years ago.  As I was explaining this, I realized I didn’t really have anything posted about how I found the passion to read on my blog.  Since I blog about the books I read, I thought it would be fitting to post my story.  Lucky for me, I just wrote about this in my English class a few weeks ago.  Because my English essay was so eloquently written :roll: , I’ll post it (with a few minor changes) rather than writing it again.  It’s kind of long so enjoy if you take the time to read the whole thing.

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I avoided reading at all costs when I was in high school and during the first couple of years of college.  I knew it was important, yet it didn’t interest me.  When I was assigned a book to read, I’d hunt down obscure movies or read the summations in CliffNotes to pass my quizzes and tests rather than cracking open the dreaded novel.  If there weren’t summations or a movie, I guessed my way through the assignments and was even content with failing that part of the class if it happened.  (It was the one thing in which I didn’t have to be perfect.)  Unfortunately, I missed out on a lot of good novels at a young age.

During high school, I had the opportunity—or should’ve taken the opportunity—to read classics, such as The Lord of the Flies and To Kill a Mockingbird, yet the only two books I read were The Scarlet Letter and Dune.  It was only because the stories interested me enough that I endured the arduous task of reading.  Historical, religious fiction (particularly those dealing with World War II or religious persecution) and science fiction had always captivated me.  Up to that point, however, the only exposure I had to these genres was from movies and television shows.  When I read the synopsis for The Scarlet Letter and Dune, I decided to give them a try.  Even though I enjoyed both novels (Dune being one of my favorites), I still didn’t want to read anything else.

Years after I graduated high school, my interest in reading finally began to peak.  When I saw Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone in the theater, the complexity and excitement of the story interested me so much I had to know more.  Corey had bought the leather-bound edition of the first book a few months before, but until I saw the movie, I had no interest in it.  I began to read feverishly, hanging on to every word on the page, and finished the book in two days.  After I finished the first book, I didn’t want to wait for the long hold times at the library and I couldn’t afford to buy the next book at the time so I borrowed the second and third books from one of my nieces.  I finished both of them in three days.  At that point, I had to know what happened to Harry and his friends in the fourth book.  My niece was currently reading it and I was too impatient to wait for her to finish.  I bought the fourth book, even though it was financially unwise, and read it in three days.  It was unheard of me to read a book in less than a week and I had read not one but four books in just over a week.

After I finished reading the books in the Harry Potter series, I still didn’t quite have the desire to read more than I already did.  I loved the Harry Potter series and each time a new book in the series was published, I’d reread all the books to prepare for the new adventure.  But, I didn’t branch out more than that.  I’d make up excuses to not read, like “I just don’t have the time,” “I don’t know what to read,” “It takes too much effort,” or “Nothing interests me” because I was simply too lazy to change my attitude toward reading.

In 2007, my co-worker Becky recommended Twilight.  My excuses were still in full force, but, amazingly, I decided to give the book a try.  I had always had an interest in vampires, having watched a couple of television shows and movies, but I was too afraid to venture into that realm of fiction because I had heard the books were extremely scary, gory, and usually contained explicit content—something I wasn’t willing to read.  The world around me ceased to exist (much to Corey’s dismay) while I was reading Twilight; the only thing that mattered was what happened to the characters.  I felt like I was there, experiencing everything they did.  After two days of non-stop reading, I completed the first two books in the Twilight Saga, and all at once my love of reading was ignited.

From that point on, I have felt exhilarated every time I have picked up a novel.  I always want more so I continue to read more and more books.  (As I mentioned in my previous post, I really miss reading for pleasure right now.)  I’ve even read books I never had any interest in before, like The Chronicles of Narnia, The Secret Garden, and Mansfield Park, because I wanted to broaden my horizons.  I was amazed when I finished an astonishing 31 books last year.

Because my love for reading didn’t develop until I was nearly 30 years old, I feel like I have to make up for lost time.  I’ve made a list of all the books I want to read (see my Shelfari and Goodreads shelves), including The Lord of the Flies and To Kill a Mockingbird.  Even though my list has hundreds of books on it, I look forward to reading them all and enjoying the feelings of wonder, awe, and exhilaration each time I start a new adventure.

“Judge Not,” an Essay

I handed in my first essay in ten years last Thursday.  I was very nervous about it because I hadn’t written one in so long and I feel like my creative writing skills have gone kaput.  But, with the help of a few friends and the BYU writing lab, I was able to write a fairly decent essay. Or, at least I thought it was fairly decent. ;)

During the semester, my teacher wants the class to focus on ourselves, meaning, with the exception of my research paper, I’m required to write about me. :? Normally, I love to write about me as evidenced by my blog.  But, for some reason, an assigned topic about me seems scarier.

For my first essay, I was supposed to narrate an important personal experience.  In that narration, I needed to explain the meaning of the experience and I needed to make the experience real for the reader.  The hardest part for me was trying to pick an experience.  I feel like my life is so boring and that no one wants to read about it.  (It’s kind of ironic that I feel like that since I have a blog. :lol: )  I ended up switching my topic because I didn’t think my first topic was very compelling and I thought the second topic fit the purpose of the essay more.

Yesterday, my teacher handed our essays back.  I was surprised at the grade on mine.  It was a B-.  I know a B- isn’t bad, but I wasn’t expecting it.  I knew my essay didn’t deserve an A, but I thought it deserved at least a B or B+.  I’m not disappointed; I’m just shocked.  But, after reading my teacher’s comments, I understand why my essay received the grade it did.

I agree with most of my teacher’s feedback on my essay.  (If you want to read the essay, click the link to view the pdf or click the images to enlarge them.)  However, I think some of his feedback is more preference than an actual need for change.  For example, his first comment is “nutritious?”  Honestly, at that time in Corey’s and my life, nutritious wasn’t a determining factor for food.  That’s why I wrote what I wrote.  Also, he told me to name the item that we were charged for by mistake.  I didn’t remember what it was so I thought I came up with a clever way to refer to it.  Obviously, he didn’t think so. :roll:

I think my second essay, which is due tomorrow, will be much better.  First, I know what to expect from my teacher now.  And second, I worked very hard to implement the feedback from this first essay and I think I’ve done a pretty good job.

PS–My teacher said there was one student in the class whose essay was riddled with comma splices.  I’m very proud that he didn’t have to correct my grammar or change my word usage (other than when I called the extra item a stowaway).

Grammar Help

In May, I talked about my search for creativity and how I feel like my job as a technical writer has sucked my reservoir dry.  I also stated:

Creative writing’s so different than technical writing.  Sure, the same basic concepts apply to both, but the audience is different.  With creative writing, the grammar’s a little more relaxed since it’s supposed to be more conversational.  Also, a lot of grammar rules are more “styles” than actual “rules” and trying to differentiate between styles is often hard when you don’t have a strong foundation in grammar.

Even when I write a blog post, I feel like I have to dot every “i” and cross every “t.”  I want to follow the stylistic choices we use at work because that’s what I’m used to writing with now.  I have a hard time being relaxed and funny because it doesn’t seem proper.  I don’t feel like I can just let things flow the way they want to flow out of my head.  I want everything to be perfect, barring the minor mistakes you expect someone to make.

Even though I still feel like I have to dot every “i” and cross every “t” and I still feel like I don’t have as strong of a foundation in grammar as I’d like, I know I’m learning and that’s what’s important.  However, because I don’t feel like I have a strong foundation in grammar, I decided to do something about it.

My co-worker Roger has a printed Chicago Manual of Style.  (For those of you who don’t know what the Chicago Manual of Style is, it’s a set of style guidelines for writing, whether it be creative or technical.  And, most people in the publishing industry consider it to be the standard.)  During my breaks, I’ve been borrowing Roger’s manual to become more acquainted with the styles and guidelines in it and I feel like it’s been a tremendous help.  I understand some of the grammar concepts I’ve never been able to fully grasp before.

Because I didn’t want to keep borrowing Roger’s copy, I looked into getting my own.  The manual is $55, which is a little too expensive for a book right now.  So, I decided to look into different alternatives and to my surprise, I discovered that the Chicago Manual of Style is online! ;) It’s subscription based, but one year’s subscription is less than the cost of the printed manual and I can try it out for a month for free.  I immediately signed up for the trial and I feel like I’ve already got my money’s worth if I had signed up for the subscription, which I plan on doing when my trial’s up.

Free Writing

I decided to take a couple of my friends’ advice and start keeping a “free write” journal to help me find my creativity.  Corey thinks this is pretty sound advice because he was required to write at least three pages a day to help get his creative juices stirring when he was in graphic-design school.  I figure if he had to do it and he wasn’t even trying to be a writer, I should do it too. ;) I bought a cheap, purple spiral notebook to use.  It’s also college ruled because I hate writing on wide rule paper.  I know I’m strange and kind of OCD, and you probably didn’t need to know the color or the rule of my notebook, but that’s beside the point. ;)

Anyway, I wrote my first entry today.  After doing some research about free writing online, I decided to write for a specific amount of time rather than a specific number of pages.  I chose ten minutes.  Even though you may not be interested in what I wrote, I thought I’d post it on my blog because it’s a momentous occasion; I’m actually starting something to help me rather than putting it off like I normally do.  (It comes with the territory of being the queen of procrastinators.)

I hate writing in spiral notebooks  They’re so uncomfortable  But not just for lefties at least that’s what I’ve come to realize  Writing without punctuation is hard for my perfectionist mind  I want to put periods and commas where they belong  Sheesh writing for ten minutes is going to be difficult because my hand is cramping  This is kind of fun writing about nothing  Corey keeps saying frog to Lauren  I’m not sure if I’m doing my free writing correctly  Froyo’s going to move in about a month  I’m excited because I can give my two week notice at Dentrix soon thereafter  PAIN my hand is killing me  I’m too used to typing and not writing  I used to love writing but then I got lazy  how can I keep writing with the pain I’m experiencing  It’s so intense  Today’s Brittany’s birthday  My mind is blank now other than the intense pain in my hand  Am I holding my pencil wrong or too tightly  Is that why my hand hurts  What can I do to strenghthen the muscles in my hand  Is this 10 minutes almost up  My hand needs to relax

It’s kind of weird to see where my mind goes when I’m not trying to think of anything in particular.  Obviously, pain is a huge issue for me. :| I also didn’t realize I spelled strengthen wrong until I was rereading my thoughts and typing them out.  I must have been in the zone.  Hopefully, that’s a good sign since I’m usually very OCD about spelling and punctuation.

I hope this helps bring back my creativity.  If anything, it might be interesting to see if I get any real insights into my true person.

Searching for My Creativity

You may have noticed the quote in my blog header: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”  It’s a quote by Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and it’s my favorite quote.  I think it’s so profound; it speaks to my soul as I’m a dreamer and not a liver.

I’ve always had an active imagination and I daydream a lot!  When I was growing up, I often dreamed of being a princess in a far off land, meeting and marrying famous people, what it would be like to live in a world with magic, etc.  I loved to play with my dolls because they allowed me to use my creativity and daydreams.  I played with them until I was nearly 15 years old. :oops: I didn’t want to give them up, partly, because I didn’t have a ton of friends, I was kind of a loner, and it was my way of having people in my life.  However, a bigger part of it was because I liked my make believe world better than the real world.  I dwelt on my dreams instead of lived.

I still do this to a large extent.  I love my life now, but I get caught up in the make believe so easily.  I love the escape from reality.  I think that’s why I love to read so much.  It still surprises me that I didn’t like to read when I was younger, but I guess it’s because I had my dolls to fill my time.

Sometimes, I feel like I get caught up in the make believe too easily.  I want to live in the worlds that I read about or imagine.  I want my relationship with Corey to be like the relationships in books or movies, even though I know that’s not reality.  I feel like there’s something wrong with me.  Or, maybe I just need a way to delve into the make believe of my own creation rather than someone else’s, such as by writing.

I enjoyed creative writing in my English classes.  (It was actually the only thing I enjoyed about English.)  And, I was pretty good at it.  But now, I don’t feel like I have what it takes to be a good creative writer.  I think being a technical writer for nearly six years has ruined my creativity.  It feels like it has been sucked out of me and my reservoir’s dry.

Creative writing’s so different than technical writing.  Sure, the same basic concepts apply to both, but the audience is different.  With creative writing, the grammar’s a little more relaxed since it’s supposed to be more conversational.  Also, a lot of grammar rules are more “styles” than actual “rules” and trying to differentiate between styles is often hard when you don’t have a strong foundation in grammar.

Even when I write a blog post, I feel like I have to dot every “i” and cross every “t.”  I want to follow the stylistic choices we use at work because that’s what I’m used to writing with now.  I have a hard time being relaxed and funny because it doesn’t seem proper.  I don’t feel like I can just let things flow the way they want to flow out of my head.  I want everything to be perfect, barring the minor mistakes you expect someone to make.

Another one of my fears with creative writing is I have a hard time reading people.  It would be difficult to write each character so they sound unique.  And, I think my dialogue would sound unrealistic, corny, and stupid.  I’m also not very profound so I don’t think I’d ever come up with a quote that’s significant like the ones you find in the Harry Potter books.

Where do I go from here?  How do I find the creativity I’ve lost?  How do I learn to let go so my writing is more relaxed?  How do I learn to be captivating? … I don’t know.