I decided to take a couple of my friends’ advice and start keeping a “free write” journal to help me find my creativity.  Corey thinks this is pretty sound advice because he was required to write at least three pages a day to help get his creative juices stirring when he was in graphic-design school.  I figure if he had to do it and he wasn’t even trying to be a writer, I should do it too. I bought a cheap, purple spiral notebook to use.  It’s also college ruled because I hate writing on wide rule paper.  I know I’m strange and kind of OCD, and you probably didn’t need to know the color or the rule of my notebook, but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, I wrote my first entry today.  After doing some research about free writing online, I decided to write for a specific amount of time rather than a specific number of pages.  I chose ten minutes.  Even though you may not be interested in what I wrote, I thought I’d post it on my blog because it’s a momentous occasion; I’m actually starting something to help me rather than putting it off like I normally do.  (It comes with the territory of being the queen of procrastinators.)

I hate writing in spiral notebooks  They’re so uncomfortable  But not just for lefties at least that’s what I’ve come to realize  Writing without punctuation is hard for my perfectionist mind  I want to put periods and commas where they belong  Sheesh writing for ten minutes is going to be difficult because my hand is cramping  This is kind of fun writing about nothing  Corey keeps saying frog to Lauren  I’m not sure if I’m doing my free writing correctly  Froyo’s going to move in about a month  I’m excited because I can give my two week notice at Dentrix soon thereafter  PAIN my hand is killing me  I’m too used to typing and not writing  I used to love writing but then I got lazy  how can I keep writing with the pain I’m experiencing  It’s so intense  Today’s Brittany’s birthday  My mind is blank now other than the intense pain in my hand  Am I holding my pencil wrong or too tightly  Is that why my hand hurts  What can I do to strenghthen the muscles in my hand  Is this 10 minutes almost up  My hand needs to relax

It’s kind of weird to see where my mind goes when I’m not trying to think of anything in particular.  Obviously, pain is a huge issue for me. I also didn’t realize I spelled strengthen wrong until I was rereading my thoughts and typing them out.  I must have been in the zone.  Hopefully, that’s a good sign since I’m usually very OCD about spelling and punctuation.

I hope this helps bring back my creativity.  If anything, it might be interesting to see if I get any real insights into my true person.

Some time in January, I found what I thought was a gray hair.  I plucked it out because I wanted to see it more closely.  Upon further examination, I couldn’t determine if it was gray or just a really light shade of blond.  Today, the same thing happened.  Again, I can’t tell if it’s really gray.  But, the thought of going gray scares me a little bit.  I know some people go prematurely gray.  In fact, I have two friends that started going gray in their teenage years.  I just wasn’t expecting to go gray for a little while longer, that’s all.

It’s so hard for me to accept these two possible gray hairs into the fold because I don’t really think of myself as grown up or an adult. I know I’m 30 almost 31, but I have a hard time referring to myself as a woman.  I still think of myself as a young woman, a female, or just a girl.

I know growing old isn’t a bad thing and I think I’ll always love celebrating my birthday no matter how old I get.  I also don’t care if people know how old I am.  Age has never bothered me.  But, the thought of growing up, being more responsible, and growing further away from my childhood is what scares me.

Over the last few years, I’ve done a lot of growing up, thanks to my counselor.  She knows that the idea of responsibility and not having any fun scares me.  However, as I’ve been growing up, I’ve realized it’s not all bad.  I enjoy a lot of aspects of adulthood–being married, having my own place, not having to answer to my parents anymore, etc.  But, I still have a huge longing for the days of my childhood when I could play with my toys or games almost all day.  Or, when a problem arose, it was my parents’ or older siblings’ responsibility to fix.

If these two hairs are really gray, I’ll learn to accept it.  It’s just another part of life I need to experience.

Since yesterday was Thanksgiving, which I’ll post about a little later, I decided it was a good time to reflect on the things I’m thankful for.  I’ve had a lot of opportunity to do that in the last couple of months, which has been nice.  I’m thankful for:

• Corey. He’s such a good husband.  He always tries to make sure I’m taken care of and happy.  Even though he may not be feeling the best, he always puts my needs before his.
• My cats. They’re such good kitties and they bring me so much joy.  I always feel loved when they come and sit on my lap or rub up against my legs.
• My belief in God and Jesus Christ. I know I would be nothing without Them and I’m so grateful for Their love and constant guidance in my life.
• My family and Corey’s. Even though I may not see them very often and things aren’t the best with my family right now, I’m still grateful for them.  Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.  And, for the most part, they do help make my life more meaningful.
• The Vigues and Meyers. They’re awesome friends!  In fact, Corey and I consider them family.  My life is so much fuller because of them.  I love hanging out with them and I especially love to be Jack, Sheridan, and Henry’s surrogate aunt.
• Twilight, or Stephenie Meyer to be more exact. Without Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga, I would never have met my “Twilight” friends, who are more than just “Twilight” friends now.  I love spending time with them and I’m so happy they’re a part of my life!
• My friends. I love my friends and I’m so glad I have good friends I can count on and that enrich my life.