Apr 14, 2010

I Need to Sort out My Priorities

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It’s time to sort out my priorities again.  I feel like I’m just going through the motions of doing important things rather than really wanting to do them.  Does that make sense?  I guess I feel like I’m doing things haphazardly again.

I’m not going to bed on time anymore.  Because I’m not going to bed on time, I’m getting up late, which makes me late to work.  And, even though I’m getting to work late, I’m still leaving work early enough to get to my classes on time because my classes are at a set schedule, my grades are partially determined by attendance, and I absolutely love going to class.  Or, in other words, I’m not always working a full 40-hour work week like I’m supposed to as a salaried employee.

I’m also having a hard time being productive at work because I feel like my job is the most boring job in the entire world.  I always get my work done, but I don’t get it done as quickly as I could.  I would quit my job and find something else I enjoy doing more, but I can’t quit because no one else is hiring right now and no one else will pay me as much as I get paid at my current job; I’ve been pigeon-holed until I graduate from school.

I’m not eating as healthy as I was last year and the only exercise I get is walking around campus.  I’ve had a hard time remembering to read my scriptures at night.  I haven’t been to the temple since December because I’ve been so busy with school and work.  And, finally, I just have no motivation at all to do anything.

I’ve been feeling really depressed lately because of my lack of motivation.  I feel like I’m in a slump, a slump with really steep, slippery, high walls, making it almost impossible to climb out.  The only things that have kept me going lately are school, Project 365, and reading for fun for the past few days because I haven’t had any homework.  (My last class for this semester was yesterday, but I don’t start taking finals until Friday.)

I’m excited to start a new term in a couple of weeks.  I think a change of pace will help me get out of this slump.  For one thing, I’ll be less busy because I’m only taking one class rather than three.  And, for another thing, it will be something different.

Even with a change in pace in a couple of weeks, I just need to focus and make stronger commitments to do better.  I also need to check in with myself daily so if I start to get in a slump again, I can get out of it immediately rather than wallow in it for months at a time.  Here’s to putting on some climbing gear and getting out of this slump by refocusing on my goals and putting those things first that need to be. Wish me luck!

PS–Any idea what book my title alludes to?

Filed Under: Challenges, Musings, School, Vents · 21 Comments
Mar 14, 2010

Through a Child’s Eyes

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I want to share a couple of stories that I think are cute.  The first happened yesterday.  The song “Alice” by Avril Lavigne plays during the credits for Alice in Wonderland.  While Corey and I were watching the credits, there was a little girl sitting behind us, maybe six or seven years old, who was singing her heart out to this song.  I thought it was so cute because she had no inhibitions; she was just enjoying herself, signing along with a song she knew.

The second happened in church today. Another little girl, maybe 10 years old, was sitting in front of us drawing.  She’s a pretty good little artist.  She drew a picture of a palm tree on a beach.  After she had finished coloring it, she turned it around and wrote a copyright with her “signature.”  It made me smile and laugh.

Some of the things kids do just make me smile and burst with joy.  Like I said, they usually have no inhibitions and they find fun and happiness in everyday things.  My brother-in-law Brett Raymond is a musician.  A couple of his albums are remixes of primary songs jazzed up a little bit.  On his first album Primarily For Grown-Ups, he wrote a song called “Through a Child’s Eyes.”  I love the lyrics because they illustrate what seeing through a child’s eyes is like:

These old eyes are getting tired of losing faith in this world from day to day
Down the road, getting deeper, innocence lost along the way
Then I see you laughing and I’m reminded how the world is meant to be
See those eyes filled with wonder
And, I wonder if my heart could ever see like that again
Through a child’s eyes
Through a child’s eyes
There’s hope, there’s peace, there’s love, and I can almost see Heaven above
Through a child’s eyes
Through a child’s eyes
And, I think it will be all right
Just close our eyes and see again
Imagination, play again
See through the eyes of love again
Through a child’s eyes
Through a child’s eyes
Through a child’s eyes
Through a child’s eyes
Through a child’s eyes

I wish children didn’t have to grow up and become jaded and cynical because of the awful things in this world.  I wish they could keep their innocence, but I know it’s impossible.

If only we could see through a child’s eyes again, the world would be a much better place.  No wonder the Savior said, “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:4).

PS–Don’t forget to click the “Subscribe to this post’s comments” link so you’re notified when I (or even someone else) replies.  (Click here for instructions if you need them.)

Filed Under: LDS, Music, Musings · 6 Comments
Mar 4, 2010

Concentrating on the Good

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I’m a pessimist through and through.  There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it.   I try to be optimistic, but somewhere deep down I think that if I expect the worst, then I’ll never be disappointed.   The only problem with this logic is I tend to be a little paranoid and sad most of the time, which I know gets on people’s nerves … a lot.  Even when I have a ton of good things going for me, I tend to focus on the one thing that isn’t.

For the past couple of weeks, things have been going really well for Corey and me.  We’re doing fairly okay financially now that my financial aid has come through, I did well on three out of four of my midterm exams (I could have done well on the fourth too; I just don’t have my score yet), we’re both fairly healthy right now, I have a lot of friends, and I’m going to school.  But, do I focus on these things?  No.  Instead, I’ve been focusing on being dead tired all the time, still having to work at my job, not getting to read for pleasure, not having all my good friends or family members comment on my blog but seeing them comment on others’ blogs, wondering if I really have as many friends as I think I do, wondering if I talk too much when I’m around people, and money going really fast even when I’m not trying to spend it.

No wonder I’m tired all the time.  Anyone would be tired if they focused on all these negative things.  Do you do that too?  I think most people do that to some extent because it’s human nature.  But, I know so many people that do such a good job at not focusing on the negative, or at least that’s the way it seems to me; maybe, they’re just really good at hiding their true feelings.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist?  If you’re an optimist, how do you remain positive when things seem like they’re not going your way?  If you’re a pessimist, how do you not focus on that one thing that’s not going your way and refocus on the good in your life?

PS–I’m really grateful for all the comments I get.  This post is in no way a ploy to get more comments; I was just using it as another example of what goes through my head when I’m focusing on the bad.

Filed Under: Challenges, Getting Healthy, Musings · 14 Comments
Feb 22, 2010

A Life-Long Challenge

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Corey is quite literally a jack of all trades.  He can learn how to do something and be good at it without even trying.  It’s nice to have such a handy husband.  And, at the same time, it’s discouraging because I don’t feel like I’m really that good at anything and I feel like I’m sub-par compared to him.

I know I have talents.  I can crochet, knit, play the piano, learn foreign languages fairly easily, etc., but I don’t feel like I’m really superb at any of these things.  Yes, I do realize this could just be my self-esteem talking.  But, when I really stop to think about it, I don’t think I’m that good at any one of these things.  I can read crochet patterns like nothing else, but I can’t make up my own patterns.  I can play the piano, but I’m not a very good accompanist or I could never be a concert pianist.  I pick up on foreign languages really easily, but I’m not fluent in any of the languages I’ve been exposed to.

You may be wondering what brought on this train of thought.  I’m trying to find my passion.  I think it would help me while I’m going to school.  I’m still unsure of whether getting a Bachelor’s in English is the right step for me.  I plan to stick it out and give a few more English classes a try because I don’t want to base my decision off of one class.  However, I don’t have a lot of leeway anymore to try different things.  I’m technically a senior with 95 credits for crying out loud.  But, those 95 credits aren’t really in any one particular subject.  My Associate’s degree doesn’t even have an emphasis.

There are a lot of things I enjoy doing, but I’m not sure if I want to do them for a living.  I love figuring out why people work the way they do so psychology could be a good way to go.  But, I know I wouldn’t do well listening to other people’s problems all the time.  I’d get depressed and take their problems on as my own.  I love to read and that’s why, at this point, I’ve chosen to become an editor.  I’m only second guessing myself because I don’t have a passion to read like a few people I know.  They devour anything with words on it: cereal boxes, newspapers, Internet articles, books, etc.  Whereas, I only devour things that interest me.  I don’t do well being forced to read something I don’t want to because I just won’t do it.  Is an editor really the right way to go then?

I don’t feel like I was given enough direction when I was growing up, either by my parents or by my teachers.  I don’t feel like I was prepared for the real world.  The only thing my parents instilled in me was a passion to learn.  That’s why I’d rather go to school just to go to school.  I never really gained a good work ethic.  It’s only my perfectionism that keeps me going at work.  But, honestly, that only gets me so far.  My teachers didn’t really push me in any one direction either.  I was good at math (I had a theorem named after me in high school) and I was good at foreign languages.  So what?  None of the professions in those fields sound interesting to me.

This post is turning out to be quite the novel so I better wrap up.  I hope I can find my passion, find something I’m good at, find something I want to do or be, etc.  Hopefully, I’ve made the right decision with graduating in English.  I guess only time will tell.

Filed Under: Challenges, Musings, School · 9 Comments
Oct 12, 2009

Grammar Help

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In May, I talked about my search for creativity and how I feel like my job as a technical writer has sucked my reservoir dry.  I also stated:

Creative writing’s so different than technical writing.  Sure, the same basic concepts apply to both, but the audience is different.  With creative writing, the grammar’s a little more relaxed since it’s supposed to be more conversational.  Also, a lot of grammar rules are more “styles” than actual “rules” and trying to differentiate between styles is often hard when you don’t have a strong foundation in grammar.

Even when I write a blog post, I feel like I have to dot every “i” and cross every “t.”  I want to follow the stylistic choices we use at work because that’s what I’m used to writing with now.  I have a hard time being relaxed and funny because it doesn’t seem proper.  I don’t feel like I can just let things flow the way they want to flow out of my head.  I want everything to be perfect, barring the minor mistakes you expect someone to make.

Even though I still feel like I have to dot every “i” and cross every “t” and I still feel like I don’t have as strong of a foundation in grammar as I’d like, I know I’m learning and that’s what’s important.  However, because I don’t feel like I have a strong foundation in grammar, I decided to do something about it.

My co-worker Roger has a printed Chicago Manual of Style.  (For those of you who don’t know what the Chicago Manual of Style is, it’s a set of style guidelines for writing, whether it be creative or technical.  And, most people in the publishing industry consider it to be the standard.)  During my breaks, I’ve been borrowing Roger’s manual to become more acquainted with the styles and guidelines in it and I feel like it’s been a tremendous help.  I understand some of the grammar concepts I’ve never been able to fully grasp before.

Because I didn’t want to keep borrowing Roger’s copy, I looked into getting my own.  The manual is $55, which is a little too expensive for a book right now.  So, I decided to look into different alternatives and to my surprise, I discovered that the Chicago Manual of Style is online! It’s subscription based, but one year’s subscription is less than the cost of the printed manual and I can try it out for a month for free.  I immediately signed up for the trial and I feel like I’ve already got my money’s worth if I had signed up for the subscription, which I plan on doing when my trial’s up.

Filed Under: Musings, School, Work · 4 Comments
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