Some time in January, I found what I thought was a gray hair. I plucked it out because I wanted to see it more closely. Upon further examination, I couldn’t determine if it was gray or just a really light shade of blond. Today, the same thing happened. Again, I can’t tell if it’s really gray. But, the thought of going gray scares me a little bit. I know some people go prematurely gray. In fact, I have two friends that started going gray in their teenage years. I just wasn’t expecting to go gray for a little while longer, that’s all.
It’s so hard for me to accept these two possible gray hairs into the fold because I don’t really think of myself as grown up or an adult. I know I’m 30 almost 31, but I have a hard time referring to myself as a woman. I still think of myself as a young woman, a female, or just a girl.
I know growing old isn’t a bad thing and I think I’ll always love celebrating my birthday no matter how old I get. I also don’t care if people know how old I am. Age has never bothered me. But, the thought of growing up, being more responsible, and growing further away from my childhood is what scares me.
Over the last few years, I’ve done a lot of growing up, thanks to my counselor. She knows that the idea of responsibility and not having any fun scares me. However, as I’ve been growing up, I’ve realized it’s not all bad. I enjoy a lot of aspects of adulthood–being married, having my own place, not having to answer to my parents anymore, etc. But, I still have a huge longing for the days of my childhood when I could play with my toys or games almost all day. Or, when a problem arose, it was my parents’ or older siblings’ responsibility to fix.
If these two hairs are really gray, I’ll learn to accept it. It’s just another part of life I need to experience.
About Jenni Elyse
I know what you mean. I still think of myself as like a 19 year old. I can’t believe I’m almost 30. I also agree though that there are some definite perks to being older. For me, one of those is being more settled with myself. I don’t get as worked up about meeting new people, being in a new place, etc. like a used to.
It’s just the beginning of Chemical Dependency for your hair. I reached that point a long time ago. I got my first gray hair at 18. Nice. Huh?
I got my first gray hair about 2 weeks after I got married. Which is really weird because my husband is the most layed back person there is!
I have found a few here and there but the funny thing is after I found them, I never found them again. Weird.
Hey, Jenni:
I’ve been gray for more than a decade and I still feel like a girl. Isn’t it funny how we perceive ourselves? Although 30 isn’t that old, I had a hard time turning 30 last year. It just felt like I finally had to concede that I was an adult. But I still don’t feel like that much of a grown-up. I feel like myself. And that feels young and free. With gray hair.